The Looking Glass

Never Drink and Drive Case Files: # 249865094

2006-01-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

Driver faces DWI charge after getting stuck on wall

WTF?? Of all stories, why couldn't that have had a picture?

What A Drag

2006-01-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

Cars Run Over Man On I-4, Keep Driving

Normally, this is not the type of story I would put on the blog. It's pretty disturbing really. There are 2 reasons I could not ignore posting this however. If your easily offended, its probably best you skip watching this video.

1.) The old mans first statement about how he realized too late that it wasn't a dog. Am I wrong to laugh out loud at this?

2.) The reporter in the video is just smokin'!!. oooohhh baaaby...coooome to Butthead...

Just Deserts

2006-01-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

Stakes raised in whaling clash

Ha-ha!!(Nelsons voice)

Greenpeace.
This is a group that just takes themselves too seriously. I understand where they are coming from and what they are trying to do, and the attitude is somewhat commendable. The line of that ends their capabilities is just not clear to them.

Whaling is a gigantic industry in Japan, in reality marining in general. A boat full of over-zealous hippies attempting to stop them like chaining themselves to a tree, is probably not going to have the desired effect. Im curious to know how many of these people voted in the last election, and how many of them thought not voting was the best way to "fight the power." Hopefully they learned a lesson with this incident.

Everyone Needs A Little Excitement

2006-01-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

Sexy hijacker strikes again

This is funny on so many levels I cant even begin to explain. Imagine a long, hard day at work. Then...

-Chronic Cumudgeon seen riding NYC subway 24-hrs hoping for copy-cat crime...

Now What?

2006-01-11T22:24:00.000-08:00

Canada's oil supply could top Saudi Arabia

Jeez, here we are getting ready to send troops to Iran, and this story breaks. There must be WMDs, and Al-Qaida ties in Canada somewhere. And if three years of death prooves there isn't, well it'll be the best thing for them to have a new government.

2006-01-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

Song Of The Year

2006-01-10T16:26:00.000-08:00

Iron & Wine

There isn't that many details surrounding this band that would normally attract my attention. I despise the fact that an M&M commercial gave them a push, I usually frown on music being used to promote things other than itself.
But I first heard them on PRI's "Sounds Eclectic" long before the song was brought to the mainstream via the candy that melts in your mouth. I just can't stop listening to them. The dreamy, soft folk style guitar picks, and the captivating lyrics are just to good for me to deny. A live, in-studio performance at MPR's 89.3 The Current was the clincher. Looking them up on Amazon, I find that in just 4 short years, these guys have managed 3 full length albums and 3 E.P's. By way of comparison, Fiona(pant,pant, drool,mmmbaby) Apple has released one album in the same amount of time.

The "Glammy" for best new song and artist goes to Iron and Wine for their single "Such Great Heights."**

**Which now I have learned came out in '04, and not '05. The only album I can find it on is the soundtrack to "Garden State." Like I said in a previous post, I'm an idiot.

It Even Has A Picture

2006-01-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

Hydrant's Water Pushes Minivan Into Air

I'm not the kind of guy that says women shouldn't drive. In fact I think both men and women suck equally in their abilities to drive. I also find it ironic that foreigners who can speak little English, and don't understand traffic laws, are openly given jobs where they drive for 10-12 hours at a time. That's beside the point.

This is funny.
People are just naturally idiots, we've all done stupid things. But when you drive your car into a stationary object, its going to get some ridicule. Having photos of it posted all over the web is even better.

Mr. Vick, Al Davis On Line One...

2006-01-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

Marcus Vick arrested on firearms charges

Obviously Vick is attempting to impress the Oakland Raiders. Not even a week since they booted his ass for being a thug, now he gets arrested prooving quickly he is NFL material. Ziggy appears to be cleaning house, so I can't say he'd make a good Viking anymore, but Oakland attracts these types.

Good lord, what dumbass.

Why Not Drill Alaska???

2006-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

Toxic waste creates hermaphrodite Arctic polar bears

It amazes me the way something like this will get tucked away on page 18 of the newspaper, while Lindsey Lohan having an asthma attack is nationally published front page news. Here is a blatent example of constant harm humankind is doing to its own environment, and nobody will really give a shit.

Those pesky ecosystems are really a thorn in the side of big business, arent they? Do you suppose if Polar Bears and Killer Whales had millions to donate to campaigns, that perhaps they might get more attention?

2006 And We're Gonna Win!!!

2006-01-08T17:26:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has read this blog in the past, will notice that I have a new name and new look for the blog. For the past 9 months or so I have not been around the blogosphere very much, attempting to distance myself from political and religious rhetoric, and depressing news stories.
I am no longer a bartender and have managed to stay out of that industry for over a year now. I do not miss the job one iota, but I do miss a lot of the people. Its fun to see my bar-time friends now and then, so I do occasionally hit the bar scene. Very seldom though, its too tough on the soul. I took a job with a sheet glass fabricator very close by, and I found it to be a very interesting industry. I have learned a number a valuable things including how to cut, polish, frost and etch glass, how to properly seal glass with outrageously expensive Teflon based sealer, how to install custom shower enclosures, and lots of new ways to install vinyl graphics and window coatings onto glass as well asbeing introduced to a number of new types of vinyl and laminates. I actually like the work that I do quite a bit, and after last night Xmas party, and I really can't say a lot of bad things about the company. Every job has its ups and downs, and there are days I would like to tell them to go to hell. But I usually get over it. So for this post, I will not have any harsh words at all for Twin Ciy Creative Mirror and Glass.

Now, with over a year of experience under my belt, I am starting to work the skills into my personal business, which was really my plan all along. I wan't to start renovating and sealing peoples shower enclosures in their homes. The product is really quite remarkable, and if you hate scrubbing soap scum off your glass shower door, its a godsend. I find that this is the case with most people who have glass shower doors and enclosures, so I think it will be a fairly easy sell. It is very easy to install and the manfacturer backs it up with a 5 year warranty. And buko dollars to be made. It is highly unique, and the distributor said that he had no one else in MN doing it. So Im getting pumped up to start that.

And, like a moth to flame or a bum to a beer, I have returned to blogging for 2006.

Why you ask?
New Year. New Person. New Mindset. New Capabilities. New Outlook. New Wisdom (a little)
And most importantly: ELECTION YEAR.

A Senate seat opens for Minnesota this year as Mark Dayton will not be running to keep his place. It will be interesting to see who they line up. I really hate the idea of the right taking another seat. The people in this state really kill me sometimes. Kerry won in MN, and we have always traditionally been a blue state. Somehow in the last election we still ended up with two Bush supporters. The weasly, underhanded moron Norm Coleman who took advantage of his opponents tragic and somewhat suspect plane crash, and Governor Tim "wearing my religion on my face" Pawlenty, who I actually dont have that many problems with. The Gov is actually a fairly moderate Republican, but I just can not vote for anyone who is standing in the corner of the Bush administration.

There is havoc to wreaked on the right side of the blogosphere this year, so I am re-enlisting in the left bloggers army and have already left war-time messages on several conservative blogs. I am a centrist, but you must choose sides at war time, there is no Geneva for American politics. ANYONE, and Im serious about this, ANYONE who leaves political comments on this blog better back their opinion up with a vote. No blog surfer who does not vote will be allowed to leave comments on this site. Left or Right, if you do not vote, your voice is muffled Greek to me. If you lie to about voting, well, thats pretty pitiful.

So there you have a it. A quick summary of my plans for the blog this year. Happy Surfing!!

300 billion???

2006-01-07T14:06:00.000-08:00

Most Marines killed in Iraq could have been saved by body armor

I would like to know the background and accuracy of this story, because if its credible, the CIC has yet more explaining to do. I was to understand that this money was voted in, and to be used for this purpose. Mr. President, this is unacceptable.

I know what you'll do, you'll point the finger at Rumsfeld. While its true he should be removed as well, once again your are not looking after the men and women you are subjecting to great danger in the name of your own greed. Once again, you are not doing your single most important job as president. Once again you have decieved the US people and the rest of the world in order to carry out your personal agenda.

IMPEACH NOW!!!

And A Happy New Year to You To

2006-01-03T22:36:00.000-08:00

Well, ladies and gentleman, its time for the first annual Chronic Curmudgeon dead pool. Below are listed my 10 entries for a contest posted on his site. Don't get excited, its just for fun. Already having a rivalry background in board/card games and fantasy sports, It is necessary I challenge the Iron Blogger.

1.) 50 cent
Open your mouth so many times, somebody's bound to stick a gun in it. The guy is popular, but theres just too many people in the wrong sector who hate him.

2.) Bob Barker
I don't know, he just seems like statistic material to me.

3.) Mark McGwire
A heart atack brought on by years of steroid use, or possibly cocaine induced. Never know.

4.) Paris Hilton
You can only get wasted and drive so many times before you crash. Either that or erotic-asphixiation of some kind.

5.) Gerald Ford
He's hanging on, but probably not for long. This selection parallels other people's lists.

6.) Fidel Castro
His health is deteriorating on a daily basis. Need I say more?

7.) Greg Louganis
He has Aids. Duh.

8.) Katherine Helmond
Some undiscovered cancer.
Tony Danza will do a tribute on his show and all the cast of "Soap" and "Who's The Boss" will be there. Oh boy.

9.) One of the Williams Sisters
Hopefully Venus because Serena is much more attractive. I'm saying plane or car crash.

10.) Michael J. Fox
Very talented and very intelligent, Parkinson's gets the best of him this year and our hearts go out.

Why Does He Bother??

2005-11-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

Every single time Pat Robertson opens his mouth...

...Something harshly incondsiderate, and completely baseless comes flatulating out as if hes opening the taps on his keg of crapp he is constantly peddling to suckers in return for thier life savings.

Now, for those unaware:
( In voting Tuesday, all eight Dover, Pa., school board members up for reelection lost their positions after trying to introduce "intelligent design" to high school science students as an alternative to the theory of evolution. It was a punch back at the conservative movement to introduce alternative curriculum into public schools.)

Get a load of this.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city... And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there."

Just once I would like to be able to sit and have a debate with this man. He is the chessiest facade of a human soul I have ever seen.

First on the questionaire, Pat:

1.) What kind of disaster are you talking about?

A natural one like a severe weather disturbance or viral breakout? It was my understanding that it was God that controlled these things, or created them or whatever. How could or why would he be there to help if it was his decision in the first place? In this case you would be suggesting that God will punish the good citizens of Dover.

Do you mean a terrorist attack or act of war? Is Dover PA a pretty high risk for a terrorist attack? You would suggest this as if you knew something more than we did. I dont understand what type of problems will begin.

I also don't understand how voting intelligent design out of your textbooks votes God out of your city. Like somehow Dover PA is going to be the next Soddom because they have chosen to educate thier youth with knowledge that has scientific merit and evidence rather than something that is encouraging them to believe that some heavenly body is in control of their future?

2.) Taking in account now Catholocism which is fairly large in PA as I understand, wouldn't the good citizens of Dover PA simply have to go to church on Sunday, sit in opposing booth with a child molester, beg his forgiveness, go home and repeat the same prayer 50 times and all will be forgiven? Everyone will be back on that road to heaven then?

3.) "Dont ask for his help because he might not be there."
WHAT???!!! That's like the most intangible sentence in this blurb. How would someone possibly know if God was there to help, unless they asked? Just don't bother asking because YOU think he MIGHT not be there? You've had well over 70 years to learn the English language Pat. Someone who owns as many media outlets as you do should rehearse his lines a little better before going in front of them all.

If I was to present you these questions in person, you would become enraged and claim that I was simply preaching evil and that I too was rejecting God for rejecting you. In which case you it would be plain to see the way you equate yourself to being God, and continue to expose the endless flaws in your credibilty.

I could probably start a second blog with just old Patty for the subject. It never ceases to amaze me the kind of tripe he is constantly dishing out, and worse, the way people just eat it right up. It is really for this reason that he is such a perfect spokesman for the Right Wing. His ability to summon the masses of weak and gullible minds make him a bishop for the Republican chess game.

Props once again to The Chronic Curmudgeon for the inspiration on this post. Take a quick look at his blog for a more political point of view on the subject. www.thechroniccurmudgeon.com.

This Is The Kind Of Thing I Think Is Funny

2005-10-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

Bullet missed cow, hit woman in leg

Whenever stifling odds are overcome, and once in a lifetime moments are recorded, they are not always happy news. I could not stop myself from laughing at this article. Am I the only one to see the flat out humor in this? It sounds like he missed one cow and shot another.

The Jury Is Still Out

2005-10-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

I havn't decided whether or not I like country music yet.
All the time up until now it was just something that bothered me. I realize now that there are several sub categories of country music that I never took the time to notice before. My best friend in school and I were strictly against country music. It sucked. It was that simple. There was not a lick of originality, and every song sounds the same. We were of the opinion that you could just put "country" on the album, and it wouldn't matter who the artist was.

I still do not like the country-pop like Shania, or the whiny twangy crapp where all they do is complain or feel sorry for themselves. I am really starting to like Bluegrass though. I was turned on to Allison Krauss and Union Station one morning last winter when I was listening to "Sounds Eclectic" on Public Radio International. Ever since then its been growing on me and wow, me, Joe The Bartender may, just may buy a country album. Not totally sure...more to come.

Baby steps right?

A music post circling around

2005-10-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

Stolen from the Chronic Curmudgeon, here is a music meme.

Favorite Beatles song: "Here Comes The Sun," "Paperback Writer," or "Norwegian Wood"

Favorite solo song by a former Beatle: "Instant Karma" by Lennon. I like Paul and John, but George probably should've stayed quiet.

Favorite Rolling Stones song: Not Applicable. I don't do the Stones.

Favorite Bob Dylan song: "Mr Tambourine Man"

Favorite Pixies song: Dont know the names of any

Favorite Prince song: "Pussy Control"

Favorite Michael Jackson song: mmmm... I suppose his version of "Smooth Criminal" is standable. What a freak though, God. Reasonable doubt is his best friend.

Favorite Metallica song: "Fade To Black" Ride The Lightning was their only good album. Metallica has such a distinct sound, and they were really the first to bring thrash metal to the mainstream. I couldnt say enough about their impact on music, I simply dont care for most of it.

Favorite Public Enemy song: "911 is a joke" Because its a classic

Favorite Depeche Mode song: Thats a tough one. Probably Either "Halo" or "Agent Orange" although I could list about 10 possibles. For anyone reading, the new album comes out 10/18. These guys have been around for 30 years. The have defined and perfected a entire subset of modern musical art. You can not deny that DMode is a living icon in the modern/alternative/progressive/new wave/bullshit/whatever they call it now genre

Favorite Cure song: The Cure suck up and down. Nice lipstick Robert.

Favorite song that most of your friends haven't heard: "Melody Calls" by Doves. Doves is the best band to come out of London in decades, and best of all, nobody knows it.

Favorite Beastie Boys song: "Pass The Mic" The Beastie Boys kick ass. White guys really can rap without looking silly.

Favorite Police song: Not much for the Police, Sting has a few cool solo tunes.

Favorite Sex Pistols song: Punk rock is the lowest form of music there is. There is nothing worse than sorry ass wannabes preaching anarchy to sell a few albums.

Favorite song from a movie: "Dead Souls" - Nine Inch Nails (The Crow) I guess its a cover, though I have no clue who did the original.

Favorite Blondie song: Crapp. Only one Ive ever heard is "Heart of Glass" and that sucks pretty hard core. I guess I cant make a good judgement, but the song I have heard is really irritating.

Favorite Genesis song: mmm, probably something from the Peter Gabriel era. Not familiar with many song names. Phil Collins is a wuss.

Favorite Led Zeppelin song: Another difficult choice, but its between "All of My Love" and "Tangerine"

Favorite INXS song: "New Sensation" One of the best vocalists in history. It was shame when he died. It is a much larger shame however that they are doing a reality show to replace him. He's probably rolling in his grave because what better way to insult your real fans?

Favorite Weird Al song: "YODA" (to the tune of "LOLA" by The Kinks) Wierdo music. I love it. Ive always hoped for a Wierd Al/They Might Be Giants collaboration.

Favorite Pink Floyd song: Oh wow. Could I go off here. I think to keep it short we will list the real, uncut, 12 minute version of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond," "Time," "San Tropez," and "On The Turning Away." Pink Floyd is really all that ever matters. If Bush starts a nuclear war, I will protect my Pink Floyd discs. No other band has achieved what this one has. No one will ever match the awesome power that was Pink Floyd. During the 90's people tried to compare Radiohead, but I see no similarities.

Favorite cover song: I'm of the opinion that about 75% of all cover songs blow ass. I will admit that once in a while I hear one I like. So Ill go with "Pastures of Plenty" by Union Station (Woody Guthrie) or "Whisky In The Jar" by Metallica (Thin Lizzy)

Favorite dance song: Once again, "Pussy Control"

Favorite U2 song: "With or Without You" or "She Moves in Mysterious Ways" When Boner isnt mugging for the camera somewhere, he does have the ability to write fine music. I dont like all thier songs, but a good lot.

Favorite disco song: "Tragedy" by the Bee Gees. Although rarely will I listen to a disco song.

Favorite The Who song: "Teenage Wasteland" just because its so annoying I like it.

Favorite Elton John song: sucks, sorry.

Favorite Clash song: bleeeahhh!!! ptooooeeyyy!!
The Clash are stain on the mens room wall of rock and roll. The late 70's punk rock emergence eventually spawned a more commercialized version, and thus we got bands like The Clash, and later Big Audio Dynomite, who really started the trasition for bands 10 years later like Bad Religion and Rancid. Though I will acknowledge its influence and the way it has shaped music, I will always regard punk as rock's slimy underbelly.

Favorite David Bowie song: "The Man Who Sold The World"

Favorite Nirvana song: "Sliver" or "On a Plane" Oh, to be 14 again. I still remember Mom coming in my old room to tell me he was dead.

Favorite Snoop Dogg song: "Murder Was The Case"

Favorite Ice Cube song: The one where he re-does Atomic Dog and George Clinton helps out on it.

Favorite Johnny Cash song: "Delia's Gone"

Favorite R.E.M. song: "Whats The Frequency Kenneth"

Favorite Elvis song: "Dont Be Cruel"

Favorite cheesy-ass country song: arent they all? I guess "Friends in Low Places" Garth Brooks

I just don't get it

2005-08-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

I don't like to talk politics much right now because the fundies are in control and there is nothing I can do about it. I figure there isn't much sense in getting upset over things you can't do anything about.

But I just do not understand how GWB can justify a 5 week vacation.

My brother is about to start a 6 month + tour of duty in Kuwait. Now technically, this is not a combat zone. However, any American run hospital in the Middle East is a prime terrorist target. My mother is somewhat upset, as well as his wife who will be left here to look after a 1 year old by herself.

Isn't the president the commander in chief of the military? When a man has sent 160 000 troops and 300billion dollars to fight a war under false pretenses, should he be allowed to just skip out and go milk cattle on the ranch? People are dying violently every day for what he has done, and to this day he claims it was the right thing to do.
For who, Mr. President? For Who?

For the US?
It seems to me that hatred fuels terrorism and your war has helped many more millions hate the US.

For the Iraqis?
Last time I checked civil war was not a good thing for any country, no matter who started it.

Oh I know. For Haliburton.

This is what you red-staters have voted for. This is what you wanted.
He cares nothing for the men and women he has put in danger, which by the way includes not only the troops but you and me as well, he cares only for the money he was able to put into the pockets of his oil tycoon buddies who will reward him handsomely in 2009 when he takes his stock out of trust.

When I read the story of GWB's plans. I was shocked and awed. I guess without having another election to try and win, you can afford such audacity.

sorry

2005-08-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I tried.

I copied and pasted and re-wrote all of the comments and songs on The Mudges list of songs.
When I went to publish it, Blogger was down for maintenance, and I was unable to save it.
You may or may not have heard such cussing all at once.

Im sorry, but I am not going to re-do that again.

Back On The Blog

2005-08-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

Its been almost 5 months, but this blogger is back online. Ive finally upgraded to highspeed, and changed everything around. I've settled my time slots for work, signmaking, pet attention, housework, blah blah blah, and managed to come up with a few spare minutes for blogging.

Theres probably nobody out there reading this right now, but Ill get things rolling again.

Ill be starting by posting a History of Rock and Roll post making its way through The Chronic Curmudgeon's area of the blogosphere.
Music, thought difficult to debate, is always a good conversation piece. Its also a good way to keep your mind of other things that this blog was originally intended for.

To keep the re-enry prcess short, we will just say that I am not even close to the same person I was 9 months ago. Working as a bartender can really wear on a person's soul. Now Im no longer a part of that scene, and I can truthfully say I don't miss it much. The people yes, but everything else, hell no.

So, for the time being, there will be no political, or I hate everyone posts. Just things that may kindle arguments on other levels.

See you all soon.

Finally. Some News Worth Blogging

2005-03-16T20:49:00.000-08:00

Sex doll sparks post office bomb alert

It's been a while since Ive made an entry, and its because there is simply a lack of good news stories out there. Everywhere i look there are things I just don't care about.
I laughed at this one though. This is good.

How does a sex doll turn itself on? Thats a pun in and of itself.

Its Official

2005-03-06T14:27:00.000-08:00

The Chronic Curmudgeon has taken a time out from ranting over the World Wide Web. Everybody needs a break, so good luck to him in his endeavors leading up to his eventual return.

The question now is where does that leave The Corner Bar? It's like Norm leaving Cheers. Somebody out there is going to have to pick up the slack from what is, in my book, the finest political commentary available in the blogosphere.
Being these shoes are difficult to fill, The Corner Bar will re-structure for a while in order to try to continue to expose blatent right wing hypocrisy. There will be NO stories about poor guys who have their genitalia removed, forcibly or voluntarily. I will also keep sports to a minimum. For good sports blogging, refer to Blairs Blog.
But just be warned, politics will have to become a more frequent topic to try to fill the gigantic black hole now in place where a much better written, sharp, and bitter opinion once was.

I will also surf blogexplosion in an attempt to attract new readers, good or bad.
I love to be heckled you Right-Wing radicals. You think your right, but your always wrong. Just because you won means nothing, it just means more of those with a clouded view of reality made it to the polls last year.

So to everyone reading this blog:

If you stop by, leave a comment. If you happen to have your own blog, then I guarantee I will reciprocate and visit yours. I'm always sure to check back on my visitors, no matter who they are.

So, farewell to The Chronic Curmudgeon, and hello to any of his readers that might be traveling over. We will all be feeling a loss these next few months, but it will be for the best.

Zero Originality

2005-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Once again, I turn to The Chronic Curmudgeon for ideas to write about.
I was going to do a post on Barry Bonds, but he did an excellent job himself, I felt no need to further the slander. We don't always agree, but as far as MLB's biggest cheater goes, we stand shoulder to shoulder.
So here goes some more plagiarism.

My top 20 favorite movies:

20.) A Bronx Tale
19.) Gone In 60 Seconds
18.) The Usual Suspects
17.) Van Helsing
16.) Caddyshack
15.) Tommy Boy
14.) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
13.) True Romance
12.) Arlington Road
11.) Dumb & Dumber
10.) The Italian Job
9.) Casino
8.) The Crow
7.) The Fugitive
6.) Resevoir Dogs
5.) The Godfather 1, 2, 3
4.) The Matrix
3.) Heat
2.) Goodfellahs
1.) Pulp Fiction

Top 20 Americans I Hate The Most

20.) Michael Moore
Is this guy for real?
19.) Tom Arnold
Never once a talented actor, "Oven Mitt" is his worst role yet. I actually boycott Arby's.
18.) John Madden
Just beating Dennis Miller, the stupidest man to ever give a play by play.
17.) Tom Bernard
The highest paid DJ in Minnesota ranks lower than a wad of gum on my shoe. I said gum, people! Gum!
16.) David Arquette
Losers always get the hottest chicks.
15.) Freddie Prinze Jr.
Again with the hottest chicks thing.
14.) Keanu Reeves.
How does this guy get the best roles in Hollywood?
13.) Norm Coleman
If you change political parties to further your own career, you are pretty much useless in my book. Not to mention his win comes from a tragic loss.
12.) Conan O'Brien
The only joke on this show worth laughing at is the host.
11.) Terrell Owens
It's all about me, yo!!
10.) Derek Jeeter
How is it that so many women are attracted to this man? He is the captain of a bunch of ass pirates!
9.) Donald Rumsfeld
A shallow, and scummy little tool of the Bush Administration
8.) Justin Timberlake
In one video, he and the rest of NSYNC are strung like puppets. Little do they realize how truly accurate this represents their entire careers.
7.) Barry Bonds
A sham of true sportsman.
6.) Mark Kennedy
Scare tactics to win elections. Remind you of anyone else?
5.) Jeff Strickler
This guy would not know a good movie if it bit him in his tightwad ass. For those of you unaware, Strickler is a movie critic for the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
4.) Pat Robertson
A religious extremist similar to Osama Bin Laden.
3.) Pedro Martinez
Now seemingly past his prime, has the arrogance to travel to like 5 different baseball clubs to see which one would give him a million more than the other. Chooses the New York Mets.
2.) George W. Bush
He comes in at #2 because that's what most of his policies resemble. A short sighted imbecile, this man attempts to be a mixture of Ronald Reagan, Wyatt Earp, and Jerry Falwell. He lands short of number one because that has been taken by the man he chose to run with him.
1.) Dick(head) Cheney
A gas inflated blowhard, this man is the poster-child for Republican lies and hypocrisy. It is apparent that nothing matters to this man except power. He cares nothing for the American people, unless they make over 200,000$ a year. In all likelyhood, he was the most driving force for Bush's decision to unleash lawlessness in Iraq. I have never had an ounce of respect for this man, and in reality wish he would run in 2008, because he would be so easy to beat.

Next, I will come up with some original lists.

Some Peoples Kids

2005-03-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

McCandless girl, 17, wounded by boyfriend

When I first saw this headline, I became interested. I had to satisfy my curiousity.

Big mistake.

This was really something I did not need to hear. There are soooooooooooo many things wrong with this picture, it's just staggering. I can't even begin to ask questions.

To Think I Was Raised Catholic

2005-02-23T21:41:00.000-08:00

Pope: Gay marriage is 'evil'

If you have been reading this blog regularily, You understand my view on gay marriages. If not, I will give you a quick synopsis before I go Cath-Bashing..

The right for gays to marry should be a decision left entirely up to the religion the individuals belong to. It is not an issue for Federal or State legislation. To base laws on one religion's system of beliefs is unconstituional, and in and of itself, denies citizens the rights that this country was founded on. Not to mention the fact that it shows parallels to segregation and "seperate but equal" laws. Gays should no more or no less rights than any other US citizen.

Say for instance, would you CF's see fit to install gay-only bathrooms, gay-only water fountains, should gays be made to sit at the back of the bus?
No?
Then why take away their right to have a legal binding marriage? If it is because your religion says its wrong, then FUCK YOU. Chances are they are not a part of your religion, so leave them alone, and let them have the freedom your president claims to be spreading in other countries. Stop intruding on their lives because you can't accept another person religion or lifestyle. They have done nothing to you, so FUCK OFF!!

Now, all that being said, I will get back to Pope John 3.

Keep in mind people that this is the same church that denounced DaVinci, Capernicus, and Columbus. It believes that celibacy makes a man closer to God, but tolerates it's own men when they commit rape on young children. It is a religion that claims you will go to hell unless you confess all your so-called sins to man in a fancy gown, and repeat the same prayer 50 times. It claims that the use of condoms, or any other birth control is sacrilege. It asks you to pray for your own enemies so that they may be forgiven while you drop bombs on thier cities.

Now, knowing full well that a large of his own clergy have committed homo-sexual acts, Pope John Paul 3 makes the claim that gays are an ideaology. An Evil one at that. They (the church) won't accept the science that homo-sexuality is genetic. The think that gays choose to be gay in order to be rebellious against society. It's really sad to think that this is the center for the most powerful and wealthy religion in the world.
Perhaps it is not gays, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Seiks, Protestants, JW's, etc.. who are the evil ones...

There is a cultural war going on, and I'm sorry to say that the relgious faction is winning. If someone were to say publicly that the Bush administration is an "Idealogy of Evil, " they would be arrested.
I am so disgusted by this, I can't stand it. I have to let go now so this post does'nt take up the entire page.

HeeHeeHoHoHaHa

2005-02-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

Ring finger points police to fiance in theft

Ahh, I love to read about the worlds stupidest criminals. Karma has this fantastic way of popping up in the funniest places. A Corner Bar toast to the man who's bail is more than 3X the value of the jewelry he stole.

Soccer Might Be My New Favorite Sport

2005-02-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

Gentleman. All I can say is WOW.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR CHILDREN!!!!!

Not So Instant Karma

2005-02-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

Police: Woman Sets Dog On Fire, Accidentally Kills Kids

What the hell? Do they not have animal shelters in Pittsburgh? I wasn't the smartest teenager either, but come on.
I feel bad for the detective that has had to keep working on this case.

20th in Daytona

2005-02-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

Jarrett on the pole.

He will never win though. I can't make many predictions for the opener, except that I forsee a Hendricks win. Johnson or Gordon to take the 500.

Kasey Kahne to get his first win within the first 10 races.

Surprise!! Surprise!!

2005-02-09T15:24:00.000-08:00

Zimbabwe female athlete 'was man'

One of Zimbabwe's leading junior athletes, who has won several gold medals in women's events, is really a man, police say.

Okay...
Its been a while since I was able to find a story like this one. This is definately one for the record books. Every paragraph is both funny and astounding. You almost can't believe what is being said, but honestly how would someone make that up? Talk about gender confusion.
Poor, poor hermaphrodite. Literally.

I think this is my favorite line:

The state prosecutor said he wasn't sure whether to keep Ms Sithole in men's or women's remand cells.

Seems to me like it doesn't really matter.

A 5 Million $ Loser

2005-02-09T15:13:00.000-08:00

Silva Signs on for 2 more years.

For some reason, the Twins just can't tell when they are wasting their money. Both Brad Radke and Carlos Silva got new contracts this year, extending their stay in Minnesota by another 2 years.
Radke gets my vote for the most overrated pitcher in the league, and Silva is just plain weak. I suppose he is just a #4 starter, but for 2.5 million a year?
Oy.
I suppose as far as baseball salaries go, thats pretty low. But still, just seems like it could be used for better players.

The Twins should be able to lead the weakest division again this year, I fear Cleveland as the best competitor for them. If they could only beat the Yankees...

There Is A God

2005-02-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

Not Safe For Work!

Gentlemen and some ladies, I present Ms. Liz Phair in the flesh.

(hehe yeh heh boioioiopioioinnnnggg)

Top 10 Ways To Know Your An Asshole

2005-02-03T20:05:00.000-08:00

This post is a copycat post of a this web page I recently visited. I had to list some of my own pet peeves in addition to reading these. These things are 100% true events that have occurred to me over time.

10.) When driving, you notice the car next to you has roughly 1 car length in between it and the car in front of it. You also notice that there is no one behind them for a mile. You still decide it is the best move to attempt getting in between the two.

9.) You use your cellphone while standing at the bank teller, so that she must wait for you to stop talking to ask a question.

8.) You enter a gas station to purchase cigarettes and demand that the cashier ring them up separately because it will be $.01 more if rung together.

7.) You have a tattoo on your arm that reads "Eat Shit" in bold face lettering.

6.) Your that guy who thinks it's funny to wipe boogers on the wall in the men's room. Or the one who just keeps talking to a fellow restroomer while he is attempting to take care of business.
5.) You go to restaurant by yourself, or with one other person, and see fit to take a table that seats 8.

4.) You hit on your good looking, sweet-heart server because you are drunk, completely oblivious to the facts that:
a) It is her job to be sweet, and may not necessarily be in a good mood
b) Every other drunk guy she has waited on that night has done the same thing

3.) You tip in change.

2.) You don't tip at all.

And The Cornerbar's #1 way to know your an asshole...

You nickname yourself "Curmudgeon," and spend countless hours defiling those who you see as lower life forms.

Ain't That A Kick In The Pants?

2005-01-26T20:55:00.000-08:00

Suspect wins one case then is arrested

One has to cringe, then laugh at this poor fellow. I guess this is the second story about gun safety and responsible ownership I'm adding today. Easy come easy go.

Or maybe not, this guy probably can't come or go.

Good lord, sometimes you think you've got it rough. Then you read about a series of events such as this and you can laugh at those even less fortunate.

Too Bad It Didn't Hit Daddy

2005-01-26T20:30:00.000-08:00

2-Year-Old Fires .357 Magnum Handgun

Toddler Injured By Recoil; No One Else Hurt

How does a 2 year old get ahold of a handgun?
This is exactly the kind of thing that gives responsible owners a bad name. I really don't agree with most gun laws, I see them as red tape. You can require people to lock their doors, but you cant stop someone whos willing to break a window. Thus, you can make it harder to buy a gun legally, but theres no waiting peiod or background check to buy one on the street. And really, who uses their own gun to commit crimes? Only the brainless.

However, this is pure stupidity. A 2 year old shouldn't even know there is a gun in the house. I really wish it wouldve hit dad or mom in the kneecap or foot. It would've been a lesson quickly learned.

For A Good Time, Click

2005-01-26T20:24:00.000-08:00

Looking for a good laugh?

Head over to The Chronic Curmudgeon, and scroll down to the post entitled "RANDOM AND SOMETIMES CRUDE OBSERVATIONS, JANUARY 2005"

Section #4 rates a 10 for ingenuity and proper etiquette.

Inauguration Day

2005-01-20T14:44:00.000-08:00

Mr. 2%

I didn't watch the speech because I'm pretty sure that I already know what he said. The same gibberish that he has been spewing for years with an added "we won, we must be right, " spin on it.
2%, Mr President. 2%.

2% decided the course of our military and its hard working, violently dying soldiers. To keep in office a man who is just as guilty as the men he hunts.

2% decided it was better to give tax cuts to corporations than to the middle class. That a defecit equal to 3/4 of the national GDP is acceptable.

2% decided it was better to drill for oil to burn, than to preserve our natural surroundings.

2% decided that knowledge and facts are useless and debatable, and that faith is how a government should base its laws, and spend its money.

How? With scare tactics.
Scare the people into believing the John Kerry could not stop terrorist attacks as well. Fool them into believing that increasing anti-American sentiment is the best way to fight terrorism. Loosely blame Saddam for 9/11 until questioned directly, then deny any suggested relation.

Where will it all end? Hopefully on a good note. Until then we have 4 more years of this tripe to deal with.
To Red state Americans I say this:
I hope you are right and we are wrong, because you will never be credible again if you are not.
I don't buy what your selling, and I wont until I see results that are not clouded by religious rhetoric, and lies.

I dont know where to end this post, so Ill just stop now.

God I Hate The Dirty Birds

2005-01-15T20:52:00.000-08:00

Falcons Demolish Rams, Steelers Defeat Jets

I don't know what the Rams were playing tonight, but it sure wasn't football. I saw men who are payed millions miss passes that were right to them, with no defensive coverage. I saw an offensive line that was some kind of hollogram. I saw Warrick I lick Michael Vick's Ass Dunn rush for 140 yards.
The whole thing was sickening.
The Falcons were, and are, the most overrated team out there. Period. If they somehow make it to the superbowl, we will know just how weak the NFC was this year.

On the other hand it was nice to see the Steelers take the Jets. In a evenly matched battle, it was defense for both sides that made the game. Way to go Steelers! Nobody likes to see New York teams win anything.

Go Vikes!!

More Humor From The Far East

2005-01-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

Woman's acupuncture treatment goes bust

Wow... I dont even know where to begin with this one. Is there blonds in Taiwan?

I think the part that really gets me is she decided to go from an A to a D.

Pictures for this one would have been priceless.

"She Set My Heart, And The Bed On Fire."

2005-01-15T18:03:00.000-08:00

Tryst turns torrid
Woman hurt in fire

This one is pretty much self explanatory.
Can you imagine?

Maybe the guy was a closet flamer. Poor cat.

It Is To Laugh

2005-01-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

I glued my eyelids shut!

SUNSHINE Coast great-grandmother Terry Horder got the fright of her life when she accidentally stuck her eyes shut with super-strength glue.

I guess I don't understand how or why she would do both eyes. Wouldn't you notice after dropping glue into one eye?
I suppose I should give her a break, being 78 and all. Old or young the thought of this is simply funny. The old man's comments are what really take the cake.
Lucky she wasn't going for nose drops.

Fudge The Packers!

2005-01-08T23:36:00.000-08:00

VIKINGS TO TAKE WILD CARD GAME 1, 27-24

Ok, so I'm not a Vegas bookie or any kind of real sportscaster. I do know however, that it is nearly impossible to beat the same team 3 times in a season. I really think they can win this one, even with "Mike, Im fair and nice but a complete fool, Tice.
If the Vikings can win game one tomorrow, they must go back to Philly where they were destroyed earlier this season. Then face St. Louis or Atlanta for the NFC. It is a loooooooooooooooooooong shot for a Vikings super bowl, but Ill keep the faith.

As of now, The Corner Bar predicts a Pittsburgh vs Philadelphia super bowl, with a Pittsburgh overtime win.
In AFC, New England has the D, but Brady has not performed the last 1/2 of the season. If the Steelers can stop Corey Dillon, they can win.
In NFC, The Eagles really have no competition. If Atlanta somehow goes to the superbowl, The Corner Bar will not even acknowledge their presence. Michael Vick sucks.

On a side note, The Corner Bar's fantasy team, The Screwballs, took this year's title with ease.
The Chronic Curmudgeon's team, He Hate Us, was handed defeat in the leagues Toilet Bowl by my brother's pathetic sham, The Dreadlords. While The CC was incessantly smug about his wins over the Gregonis teams throughout the season, it was nice to keep both trophies inside the family.

The Packers Suck.
The Falcons Suck.
The Jets Suck.

GO VIKES!!!

Times Have Really Changed

2005-01-08T16:08:00.000-08:00

Drink-driver, 13, did 70mph in stolen car going the wrong way

I don't even know where to begin here. When I was 13 we thought we were rebels for sharing a cigarette and tearing down someone's Christmas lights. Drinking and driving was never even thought of.
I guess things are different in the UK all over, but still. I think we have the makings of another Dahmer or Wayne Gasey here.

Mother of The Year

2005-01-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

Couple Who Locked Boy In Trunk Avoid Prison
7-Year-Old Said He Was Locked In Trunk 11 Times

She locked her kid in the trunk so she could go out and party. What else needs to be said?
WTF???????
Two counts of felony abuse, but no jail time. Was the judge doing drugs or something? These two should have the book thrown at them. 11 times wasn't enough for the judge to see that this kind of thing was probably not going to stop.

Prosecutors won but still lost. I'm blown away.

Holy Crapp!

2005-01-04T19:44:00.000-08:00

Doctors astounded: drunken man survives astronomical blood-alcohol level

SOFIA, Bulgaria (AP) - Incredulous doctors made five blood tests on a drunken man to confirm he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.914, far above the usual life-threatening range, police and doctors said Tuesday.

You would read this at first and think there was no possible way this is a true story. But then you have to figure that no one could really make this up either. They tested him 6 times. He was hit a by a car, and was still capable of having a conversation with police.

How does a man, who obviously has been a steady drunk for quite some time, even live to 67? How much of his life has been a drunken state?

"What do you do with yourself these days?" "Oh, I drink and pass out. Thats pretty much it."

Words Fail Me

2005-01-04T19:23:00.000-08:00

Bank Robber Does Nearly Everything Wrong

I just kept shaking my head as I read this. This guy could br our fist candidate for moron of the year, and it's only the 4th of January. It's true what they say," Crack don't smoke itself!" I think if I was going to risk like 20 years in prison, I would make sure it was worth a lot more than 1200$.

Naturally they haven't been able to catch him yet either. Oy Vey.

Now Thats Irony

2005-01-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Sri Lankans Stop Eating Fish

(AP) Seafood prices plunged in Sri Lanka on Sunday because of fears that fish may have fed on thousands of human corpses washed into the sea by the region's tsunami.

Thats certainly a disturbing thought.

SOILENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! IT'S PEOPLE!!

Back for a few

2005-01-02T19:03:00.000-08:00

Well the holidays are finally over, I must say I really hate this time of year. I hope everyone had a good Chrismas, Hannuka, Kwanzaa, Ramadan,etc.. and New Years. No one died or got arrested, so all's well here.

Why do I hate this time of year? Most of all it reminds me that Im a year older. I am Christmas baby, and as I draw closer and closer to the big 3-0, my mind becomes more and more scrambled as to which way my life should really be heading. Ive decided that baby steps are the best way to go at this point. Getting out of that bar was essential, and so was re-entering the creative arts and manufacturing sector. Large weights were lifted by these two steps, but I still carry a heavy load.

The new job itself is going pretty well, it has its ups and downs like anything. It bothers me driving to work when its still dark out, but thats the way it is.
Im hoping to have a new place by the end of the summer. Im rounding third on some debts that should be paid off by that time which will allow me more freedom. I also intend to start dating again, I have been avoiding women for a while because so many are psychotic, and really untrustworthy. ( Frequent readers may re-call an El Salvadorean girl I dated a couple months ago, lets just say that she lied pretty bad about her age.)

I look to the new year with more optimism than the last, and gear up my confidence for yet more speed bumps I must cross until I consider myself actually happy again.

Good luck to all on your resolutions, and may 2005 be filled with prosperity and love for the entire world.

P.S. I will return tomorrow with the first funny stories of the new year.

Not Really A Bartender Anymore

2004-12-14T16:25:00.000-08:00

For those of you that have noticed a dropoff in posts lately, it is due to a new job I've taken with a company that sells custom cut glass and mirrors. I am working in the sandblasting booth, and it's extremely busy.
I may look for something part time on weekend nights in the future, havent decided yet.
This blog will stay the same though, I will still be Joe The Bartender at The Corner Bar. It's a good blog name, and besides its too much of a pain to change things around.

Thats just a quick update. There will be more posts coming soon, once I get used to my new routine.

cao!

???????????????????????????????????

2004-12-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

Va. man ordered to pay damages for motel mess
Room was coated with petroleum jelly

I won't lie, my friends and I have done some pretty crazy things in hotel rooms. I recall waking up in LaCross one time with all my friends completely coated in fire extinguisher dust, and the eletricity in the room shorted out. My name is still on the black list at the local Red Roof due to a teenage party gone horribly wrong.

I don't think there is any explanation here that would satisfy my curiosity. If I were the judge in this case, I would probably order some psychological evaluation.

I really feel bad for Maria and Jaunita who will be cleaning up the mess. That stuff does not come off with water.

And before you start with the homo or masturbatory jokes, let me point out that I used to work at Subway, and had to wash my hands 100 times a day. I used petroleum jelly to help heal the cracking that would occur on my knuckles. I guess thats just digging deeper, isnt it? WELL, IT WAS NEVER FOR ANYTHING SEXUAL. I SWEAR.

All the sick jokes aside, try to picture this situation in your mind. You enter the room, and everything has a glare on it. Everything you touch is greasy. I suppose its just like going to McDonalds, or dare I say, The Buffalo Tap.

This man is sick, there is no doubt about it.

Ive got the wrong job

2004-12-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

Obsessed lady asks firefighters to extinguish flames of her loins

"We also receive about 15-30 calls during the day from housewives who simply have nothing to do and are dying of boredom," says Raj Parab, one of the officers. "However, be it day or night, the content of the message remains the same: 'Can you extinguish any sort of fire? What about the fire of passion inside of me? Come quickly, I am all on fire."

Hey ladies!! I've got a hose too...
Maybe they are on to something here.

What a Fucking Prick

2004-12-05T21:41:00.000-08:00

Proposal Would Hit Blue State Taxpayers

Well, here it is again. That old right-wing hypocrisy working hard. This is a man who for four years, has done nothing but preach for lower taxes. He blackballed Senator Kerry's plan to raise taxes for the wealthy.

How is this different from a tax increase? This is not an increase for the just the wealthy, but all the way across the board. He believes we should pay less taxes, but that we should be taxed on tax.
Looking at the numbers listed here, it says that Ohio is number 3 under New York and California. CA and NY both voted Blue. So, way to go Ohio!! You voted yourselves a tax increase. One that is just simply wrong. I mean of all the deductions that they could eliminate, why this one? There a large business owners who buy failing businesses so they can continue to lose money and write it all off. They keep the jobs until the end of the year, then conveniently shut the place down.
I would like to see what the difference between the tax cuts we were given, and the what the deductions add up to. I'm willing to bet one will cancel out the other.

Things remain to be seen of course, Bush may change his tune when his approval rating goes down.
This is a pretty bold step to take Mr. President. How come we didn't hear about it in October?

This One Should Piss Them Off

2004-12-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

This has been circling around the the internet, so I have to make sure my readers get to see it.

TOP 10 WAYS TO KNOW YOUR A CHRISTAIN FUNDAMENTALIST:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the"atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" --including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for littleloopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth(4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a couple of generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs --though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Pictures Speak Louder than Words

2004-12-01T00:35:00.000-08:00

Why Not Just Genetically Engineer Women For Milk?

Here we go again with a prime example of how completely different America tends to think.

While this story is not actually up to the standards of The Corner Bar,(or down too really) the photo certainly is. In America, the purpose of this billboard would be ignored. All the fundies would see is a naked woman on the freeway, and well, that's just not teaching good moral values.

I'd like to put this on Highway 35 in Texas, just to watch it make national news.

EEEEEEEWWWWWW!!! WTF?

2004-11-30T15:25:00.000-08:00

Pig not degraded by televised sexual experience, British watchdog rules

Now, normally I would leave any stories on Yahoo for The Chronic Curmudgeon. Especially one involving both Reality TV, and the sexual pleasure of farm animals I had to get to this one first though.

RTV sucks ass to begin with. Now it jerks pigs too? It's no secret that the Brittish have a completely different idea of what is socially acceptable. It just seems to me that 1/2 of the seemingly endless online porn industry will take this as barnyard voyeurism. We will see clips of it on SPAM.

I mean, would it be ok to film some guy making a donation at a sperm clinic? After all it was for the purpose of artificial insemination, and was certainly not degrading to the man considering it was voluntary.

The part that made me laugh out loud was the very last statement:

"We don't believe that the scene was degrading or harmful to the boar."

I'm glad they are keeping the best interests of the boar in mind. I just wonder what the FCC would do if someone tried to air that in the US. Can you imagine John Ashcroft watching that show?

What about the little kids?
"Mommy, whats that girl doing on TV?"
"Umm... Well... She's... Go ask your father honey."

Good God. RTV is a cancer of broadcast television, and of the mind.

Thats why they call it dope

2004-11-30T15:00:00.000-08:00

Bad joke gets better for police

I suppose things like this are the reason that criminals are criminals. I mean, if you dont get caught, no one knows that you did anything wrong. Thus you can not yet be called a criminal.

These two obviously came from the shallow end of the gene pool. He pretends to stick up his mother, who in my opinion, is likely to be his aunt as well. Then attempts to fool police and his girlfriend as well, who of course, goes along with it. His girlfriend is probably his sister or cousin, making him a chip off the old block.

Makes for fine entertainment for the rest of the country. Keep up the good work Omaha!

Makes for a crappy holiday

2004-11-28T21:39:00.000-08:00

Living in fear of sewage spills

Mary Zdrojkowski sat in her Parkwood Avenue house last week trying to hold back the tears. A month ago, a water main break in front of her Ann Arbor house sent raw sewage shooting out of her dishwasher, sinks, toilets and shower drains.

I can't think of anything worse than this. I would be talking to a lawyer to see how it is that the city pays for the cleanup, but not the damage to the property. Can you imagine sitting on the toilet at the same time?
Gaaawwwwwd. That's just nasty.

Right Here, Right Now...

2004-11-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

The Corner Bar Leans to the Right

What??!!!! HUH??!!!
Yep thats right.(no pun intended)

Recently I joined a blog directory service called Blogexplosion. It is the best one I've found so far, it allows you to gain credits, and post banners of your blog. It also has a very easy surfing tool.

In the first few days, I basically scanned all the political, left and right, reading the opinions of the blogosphere which seem to have a growing impact on both the media coverage, and the political system itself.

I found that there is a lot of moderate blogs out there. People make good points from both side of the aisle, and its time for The Corner Bar to acknowledge that.

So, if your interested in both sides of the issues, check out Steve at the American Conservative.
He is the first to make the list.

Sometimes You Have To Wonder About People

2004-11-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

Bandits bungle robbery amid door confusion

I just shook my head at this. Not 1, not 2, but 3 people could not figure this out.

Ever get the feeling there is just no hope for the human race?

Excellence. Pure Excellence.

2004-11-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

Granny stops handcuffed, nearly naked suspect fleeing police

This is escpecially funny just for the way it is written. It gives a pretty good sequence of what happened to the guy. One of those things you just wish you could witness in person.

On one hand I can't think of anything more embarassing, on the other justice was well served.

Angry Patriot 2

2004-11-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

For those of you who may have been lead in the wrong direction, my assessment of the angry patriot was misconstrued.
The site is not meant to be taken seriously, I have been too overly sensitive regarding political issues lately.
I apologize publicly to both The Angry Patriot and to anyone who read the site with a clouded attitude.

I THINK IVE FOUND HIM!!

2004-11-21T23:09:00.000-08:00

THE ANGRY PATRIOT

I didn't link from the top on this one, because you are all due an upfront warning about this.

Those of you who are regulars know that I absolutley love to expose the narrowist, lamest minds located on the web and beyond. By golly, I've found the most ignorant man, to date, in the Blogosphere.

The site itself needs no explanation. Read what this man posts, and the comments, and you will know exactly what I'm talking about. As much as I hate to send traffic to his site, it is the only way to expose the harsh truth of what voting Bush back in has done for us. I ask you to join me in the fight against beligerent stupidity.

Take what your about to see with a grain of salt, most republicans are not like this.

Special note for Marines Girl and Mileah- Try not to get too upset. Remember ignorance is bliss.

The Angry Patriot

The Real Slim Shitty

2004-11-20T20:26:00.000-08:00

RAPPER HIT ON NAPPER IN CRAPPER

Ok. If you dont laugh when you read this story, there's something wrong with you.

What advice could you give him? Avoid the Taco Bell before going to the show?

Because there is nothing better to spend our tax money and valuable time on

2004-11-20T19:55:00.000-08:00

Bill Could Criminalize Fast-Forwarding DVD Ads, Trailers

What the hell is going on!!??? We just sat through the ugliest election ever. We set an agenda to debate some pretty important, and world changing issues. Then we came to this.

Now we already know that DVDs can be produced in a matter that prohibits people from fast forwarding those areas. What else do they need?

Is this is what voting has gotten me, Ill be sick.
I can be put in jail for allowing people to download my music that they can record for free off the radio. So I guess naturally I should go to jail for fast-forwarding the previews and ads before a movie that I have already paid to view.
They claim in hurts their over-all business structure. The passing of this bill will hurt their overall business period. People HATE the previews and ads they are forced to sit through in a movie theater. Now, they think not only should we be forced to watch them at home, but if we don't we're criminals?
If this gets more than 10 seconds worth of debate, it is a complete waste of my tax money.

What a suprise

2004-11-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone-
Check out this article by Lefty. It seems a credible source was denied the chance to expose the President.

Crank the war machine back up

2004-11-19T16:47:00.000-08:00

Source of Powell's Iran intelligence under scrutiny

"We have darn good intelligence."
-President Bush when confronted on the lack of WMD in Iraq.

It's happening again.
People who claim they have "good Christian values" are screaming "Bomb Iran! Bomb Iran!" The same "good Christian values" that continually push for legalized gambling wherever they can. The same "good Christian values" that support capital punishment. The same "good Christian values" that claim abortion is murder, but that "collateral damage" is not.

What has happened to this country? 10 years ago we were a nation working to keep the peace. Now these two bozos "they" elected have convinced people that in order to be safe, we have to start wars.
Is this the beginning of the end? Is the Bush administration the front runner to the decline of US power? We have a fragile economic system, that can not be defended by invading foreign countries. Our economy is the source of all our power. 9/11 was a bullet to the chest. Two in a row like that will be the end of the US economy. I really have a deep concern about this.

Now, you conservatives will read the above 9/11 comment and say "thats why we must continue pre-emptive strikes."
Starting these wars has made people lose sight of who the real enemy is. They have clouded the minds of people with the idea that these countries might sponsor our enemy. We are using all our resources to stop people who never threatened us. On the other hand, the ones who continue to threaten us run free.
WHY CANT YOU RED STATES SEE THIS? WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT YOUR WARS AND ABUSIVE POWER ARE WHAT MAKE THE US A PRIME TARGET?

We used to be hated because we support Israel. Now were hated because we support Israel, and because we're using our military strength as a means to power. While in the meantime we are leaving our homeland all but defenseless against an enemy who cares nothing about our justice system, or what we think is right or wrong.

I do think that Iran poses a threat. I really do. But the man you elected to deal with it is a bigger one. He will mis-manage this just like every other single thing he has put his dirty hands on.
I looked up some information on Iran, and sure enough, petroleum makes up the largest portion of its exports. So, we will do the same thing we did last time. Use a diplomatic front to buy time. We will impose sanctions to bring down their economy and weaken their defense. We will use the negotiation time to form a battle plan, and eventually take control.
We are already saying that we dont intend to take their negotiations seriously. We are already accusing them of saying one thing and doing another. Which they probably are. But so are we.

How come this crapp didnt come up before the election anyway. Bungwipe gets elected, and two weeks later Iran is the biggest threat he faces. Was Iraq the biggest threat he faced in the fist four years?
I always thought Al-Qaida was the biggest threat.

Im back. But for how long?

2004-11-19T13:17:00.000-08:00

I have had terrible luck with blogger lately, my template just ereses whenever it feels like it. It is due to a bug in Blogger's system.
I have copied my HTML into a seperate file, hopefully I can re-set it that way.

Sorry to everyone who came by and found the bar closed.

If you want to leave a comment, it will be easier for you to click the link below the box, not the one inside. It really makes no difference which you use, but Blogger's comment system is much slower than Enetation.

imaginary money: a questionaire for GWB

2004-11-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

Who's going to pay, Mr. President?

So you won Mr. Bush. You remain in office for another 4 years.
So far your policies have cost the taxpayers of the US over 300 billion dollars that 80% of us have not seen more than a few hundered of.

So where is the money going to come from now? You continue to give it away to your wealthy friends, and pump it into the money pit of Iraq. With no real results from your trickle down economics, and no end of the war in sight, where is the money for our future?

Will we continue to piss away 100s of billions that are already being spent on the defecit?

Do you think that somehow the federal reserve is just the nations giant credit card for you to charge up a few trillion before handing over your problems to someone else?

This Social Security reform that you speak of, if it is already spent before it is taxed out, how can a person expect anything? And how will you pay for the transition phase?

How much of our money did you give to execs at Halliburton, Lockheed, Boeing, and Rockwell, who not only recieve your contracts, but will also reap the rewards of your tax cuts?
How many jobs do you think these people plan to make with your tax cuts, vs. how much they intend to pocket?

What about the next spectacular terror attack? Will we be able to afford it?

You've spent over 150 billion on Iraq that have strengthened the enemies cause, and doubled it's size. Does this make the US guilty of providing indirect financial support to terrorists?

Also of Iraq, how much money will John Q. Taxpayer get to see of all that wealth? Right now he is just paying higher fuel prices. We don't even use the oil that so far has cost 1163 US troops.

The US has a GDP of over 11 trillion dollars. We have chosen a backwoods asshat to manage it for us. Take a look at this pie chart of how Bush/Rep Congress intend to spend your tax dollar in the upcoming year. Over 50% will go to national defense and international relations. That means over 50 cents of each dollar we pay in.

Now, if Bush were to read this blog, he would defend his actions by saying that the war on terror is expensive and the money must be spent. But Ill bet if you asked him to itemize all the places the money went to, youd find that most of it has been pissed away.

Sorry everyone, The US is not a safer place because of the war in Iraq. Not even from the war in Afghanistan. The places where the money would matter most, border security, CIA/FBI/NSA spy operations, transportation security, localized law enforcement, etc etc, are not the places where the majority of the money is being spent. It is being fed into bombs, guns, tanks, and other war supplies to maintain a stronghold of country who can not secure itself. A country that posed no real threat, had no WMD, and never attacked US soil.

Maybe the US government should start a national lottery. Pawlenty's answer to Minnesota's budget problems is to
a.) tax the hell out of the Mdwonkatin Sioux who currently control all the gaming in the state
b.) if the Indians refuse to pay, we will allow legalized gaming statewide and allow Bally's, Mandalay Inc, and other gaming giants to begin building casinos right next to The Mall of America. Then tax the hell out of them.

Ho-hum. I guess thats enough for now.
My cousin, The Chronic Curmudgeon, is pretty tired of writing about politics. So, without being able to complain vicariously through him, I had to to do an Anti-Bush/Republican rant.
Enjoy or detest, up to you.

hmmm...

2004-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

The Satanic Christians of the USA

Actual count unknown, there have been between 14500-16500 civilian casualties in Iraq. Egotistical, short sighted Bush supporters who have been blinded by his nonsense can think about this one for a whle.

WTF??

2004-11-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

Woman accused of having sex with 8-year-old ordered held

A Superior Court judge has set a $250,000 bond for a 29-year-old Stratford woman accused of having sex with an 8-year-old boy.

I think this is self explanatory. An 8 Year old??!! I hope it was worth it.

It shows strong upbringing skills

2004-11-09T14:57:00.000-08:00

Kids 'played with grenade'

Tripoli - Three teenagers were killed on Saturday and five youths were wounded when a hand grenade they were playing with exploded in northern Lebanon, security officials said.

a.) How in the hell do teenagers get a hold of a grenade in the first place?
b.) Who's idea was it to play a game with it?
c.) Is it commonplace for business owners in Lebanon to allow people to bring grenades in?

Imagine if this had happened in the US somewhere. The store owner, and the bomb maker would've been held responsible. Each of the parents would blame the others, and the political parties would also blame each other. Michael Moore would be there to somehow try and pin it on the Bush Administration, and the teens as well as thier families would be checked for any flags that might point them in the direction of terrorism.

Throw the book at him

2004-11-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

Local athletes held at gunpointArgument over parking leads to standoff

No one was hurt Saturday when a motel manager held a charter bus of Leon County Special Olympics athletes at gunpoint after an argument over where the bus should park.

How big of a threat do you think those people posed? I can only imagine this guy as a full fledged NRA member, just sniffing around for reason to pull out his gun. "Naw Listen!! AWM IN CHAWGE HEAW!

What's better than winning gold in the Special Olympics?
-Not being retarded
Ok, thats mean, and I apologize to anyone offended by that joke. But hey, Im a bartender. They get much worse than that.

NO WAIT!! SHES NOT ALIVE ENOUGH!!

2004-11-09T14:37:00.000-08:00

Doctor started CPR on living patient

The patient was awake and talked to him several times, but the doctor insisted that her heart had stopped and started CPR.

Sound a little fishy? It doesn't say, but Im willing to bet this girl had a real nice rack. I think in addition to the countless list of priest-turned-child molesters, we should also begin to log "unprofessional" doctors as well. I mean, would he have done this to a male patient?

Heads Up People

2004-11-06T14:14:00.000-08:00

Marines Girl has drawn attention to this article which should infuriate both sides of the election.
Check it out, see if you agree.

Casualty Counter

2004-11-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

I want to add this counter to my site, but I do not understand exactly how to make it work. Anyone who can figure this out, let me know. I have tried to contact the web site, but I havent heard back yet.
I will keep you all posted on this.

Lets Set The Record Straight

2004-11-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

The sad election is over. The winners are gloating, the losers are complaining, but all in all the world is still moving on.

I want to make a few points regarding the barrage of "HA HA you lost" comments spread over The Corner Bar, and the CC in the last few days.

While I will agree with the mudge that we can relent, and stop calling Bush Hitler for a while. It does not mean, however, that there are not gruesome similarities between the two. If you transgress policies to modern times, Bush is still a bully with dictator like tendencies.
Now whether or not you believe this is true is of no consequence to me. Thus I do not get angry or frustrated when I read those types of comments. It is in my blood to want to debate, and people like foolie moolie Newbie are just asking to be blasted. The fact that he allowed me that much room to fire was too good to let go.

What needs to be cleared up before I leave this alone for a while is that at no time did either Newbie, Edward, Alan, or any of the Bush supporters acknowledge the fact that there is still 48% of the population that disagree with W, and agree with The Mudge and me. When a president is elected by a small margin, he will have to work extremely hard to earn the respect of his opposers, especially when he is the incumbent with a laundry list of mistakes he refuses to admit to.
I welcome your opinions on the issues. Lets talk about Iraq. Lets talk about the economy. Lets talk about the environment. Lets talk about the mixture of church and state. Lets talk about gay marriage. I can counter-point anything. Do not think you are in some way angering me, or that by in my ability to go off on you, somehow this is a win for you. If I dedicate an entire post to you alone, know that your opinion is not considered blog-worthy, but rather
anti-blog-worthy.

Also, do not go off thinking that a bartender could not possibly know anything about politics. It is a bartenders job to keep up with current events. Although I try not to get involved in the debates at my bar, I am always there like a fly on the wall. I listen to everybody's conversations, and anything I don't recognize, I am quick to verify. There are usually a lot of things out there that I know, and play dumb about. Maybe for my own amusement, maybe because it is simply in my best interest to keep my mouth shut. But this the the blogosphere. There is no rules, there is no regulations, except the ones I set.

The cardinal rule of politics is the only one that I will enforce here. If you did not vote, you can not debate. That's all. If you purposely start spewing rhetoric without any common ground whatsoever, you will be shunned and pissed upon for however long I feel is necessary.

That all being said, I will stop my tirade and go back to The Corner Bar's normal line up of the irony, stupidity, and the constant exposing of those who coming in last in the human race.

Thanks for reading by the way, good or bad.

Good God

2004-11-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Dongtown
Unreal gawks at a prominent piece of public art and spends quality time with a pronoun

Normally I would leave penis humor for the Mudge because he seems to enjoy them so much. But this one includes a picture that really had me rolling. Keep in mind that this statue is placed outside of a school, and that children were the first to "point this out, " pun intended.

ahh sooo

2004-11-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

Policeman dips out on pay after 'dipping in'

Hong Kong - A Hong Kong police officer had 28 minutes of pay docked from his salary after he was caught visiting a prostitute while on duty, a news report said on Thursday.

I don't what's funnier here, the irony of the story, or the guys name. I wonder what would happen if you stood in front of a large crowd in China, and said you were looking for a guy named "Wing." Would 50 000 hands raise in the air?

back to the sillies

2004-11-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

Man dead after North Texas authorities use stun gun

FORT WORTH, Texas - A man who tried to elude Fort Worth police has died after police used an electrical stun gun on him.

This is funny because the guy was actually attempting to steal electricity. Sounds like the police are a little trigger happy.

Oh, how I love the blogosphere

2004-11-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

Smear the Newbie Part 2

Well, I was wrong.
Newbie is old enough, and in a good location, to have an informed opinion. He has simply ignored the chances to have one. His father was apparently Jewish in Germany at the time of the holocaust. Yet he is unable to see the similarities between the Nazis and the Republicans.

So knowing what he does actually know, and hearing his voice about it, just asks to be made a perfect example of.

Now, I know there are a lot of people out there that voted for someone just because they knew they had to vote. They did not pay much attention to the debates, the issues, or the candidates. They did not attempt to forsee the results of their actions. But The DID vote. They did care enough about what they have, and who they are to voice their opinion on the day America listens. Even if they were unsure of what they were voting for.

This was not the case for Captain Dan Newman. He chose to sit at home, drink his scotch, and do some "haha! WE WON" blogging on sites that are anti-Bush where he makes the claim that this is "his President."

Sorry Pal, this country belongs to the people, it is a shame you do not wish to be counted with them. I dont care if you dont like the Bush=Hitler comparisons, in fact I prefer that you hate them. I will continue to dog that over-inflated BSer for as long as I feel necessary. Which obviously now, will be at least 4 more years.

Bush has killed almost 1100 US troops by sending them into a battle they can not win. History has shown that the US is incapable of fighting Guerilla warfare. In fact, if you look closely at the US revolution, minutemen could be considered the first wave of guerilla warfare, thus they were able to fight off the world strongest military at the time, the Brittish.
When more attacks happen in this country, we can blame them on Bush. Every single day he furthers the rest of the worlds hatred for the US. Hatred is what fuels these men, and they are 100% dedicated to destruction.
Our staunchiest ally, the UK, has done polls of the public showing that 66% can not stand that backwoods dildo, and do not support the UK role in Iraq. This ally will not remain if the current Parliament gets voted out.

Bush attempts to rule the world with an Iron fist. He even had the nerve to call some coutries "evil." How can a man who was elected to govern 1000's or religions, use just one to shape his decision making?
- Hitler believed communism was the only thing that mattered. Bush apparently believes Christianity is the only thing that matters.
-Hitler took control of the middle East because he wanted its oil. Bush took control of Iraq, and allied with Saudis because he wants their oil.
-Hitler killed those that disagreed with him. Bush attempted to kill a man for a personal vendetta involving his one-term father. It took many more lives to get to that one man, whom he never succeeded in killing.

This one might piss you off a little more.
Pat Robertson=Osama Bin Laden. These men are both religious extremeists. They both preach death and exile. They both claim the other will be going to hell. They both wanted a Bush win, and got it.
Feel free to rant some more, I would like to read more things that would allow me to get further under your skin.

Can You Believe this Shit??!!!

2004-11-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

The Chronic Curmudgeon was quick to state his reaction to the election as expected.
The comments left theirin ranged from sympathy to gloating, also as expected.

However, there is no way that this particular one can be ignored. A reader who called himself "Newbie" left these two messages:

Chris,
New to your blog. What is it with the Republicans = Nazi references? Don't you realize that this turns off a HUGE amount of people?
Newbie

Maybe it's just me but if someone keeps on equating republicans and Nazis he probably has a screw loose.

I didn't vote - on principle - didn't like either side.

It seems to me that there's a lot of sour grapes around here...and way too much venom.It looks like the American people really tuned you out yesterday. I would say you're part of the problem, not part of the solution. You come across as whining crybabies without a hint of historical knowledge about anything, much less WWII or American elections. All the self-congratulatory crap Mudge wrote about calling all the states right.
Guess what...YOU LOST!!

Newbie (amazing, you can't notice a troll when he comes at you head on!!)

4 more years baby!!!
4 more years......syria, Iran, NK...and Mudge...better watch out!!!!!!!

Newbie is the right choice for your screenname. You have opened yourself up so much smearing and blasting from the Mudge and his allies, that I actually pity you.

I pity you for being so inherently stupid, and short sighted. I pity your for claiming to know things you are completely uninformed of. I pity you for having the nerve to attempt a political debate, when you did not vote. And I pity you for not being able to see past the facade that is the Bush/Cheney administration.

As I mentioned on the CC, you can not be past age 23, and if you are, then you live in the deep south and are shut off from anything that could be considered a rational thought. If I am wrong about that as well, then you probably shouldn't go there.

If The Mudge's comments relating Bush to Hitler turn you off, then dont fucking read them. But try to learn something about Hitler's rise to power, and then decide how right or wrong he is.

As for military action in Syria, Iran, or North Korea, this is impossible without a draft. Thanks to GWB, our military is spread to the thinnest it has ever been between Iraq and Afghanistan. Maybe Ill get lucky, and you will be drafted, and have a car bomb go off somewhere close to your friends.

It is very easy to sit in your leather recliner, watch Fox News, and yell YEAH!! BOMB THEM ALL!! Guess, what? You are not the one being bombed! Remember how 2 buildings were destroyed on 9/11 as the US was "shocked and awed"? Everyone was hurt and dismayed?
That happened 200 times a day for 3 weeks in Iraq. More civilians were killed in Afghanistan, than on 9/11. Do we even have a civilian casualty count for Iraq? Somewhere but, we'll never see it becuse W says Iraq was the right thing to do. That somehow God told him it was the right thing to do.

Before you go spouting off nonsense, it is best to know where you are and what your enemies are armed with. You need to be taught a lesson both in history, and by means of physical violence.
Fuck Off Newbie, you have no ground to stand on. Call us part of the problem? If your solution is fighting unnecessary wars, and building unstable governments while fueling the enemies cause, then I would rather be a problem.

Go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not take 200$ of daddy's money.

2004-11-03T12:34:00.000-08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

wtf wtf wtf

2004-11-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

WHat the hell is up with this stupid blog?

no time to blog, sorry everyone

2004-10-31T11:45:00.000-08:00

I have been out job hunting, as well as busy making signs, so I have not had much time lately to smear those coming in last in the human race. Also, there hasnt really been much in the news anyway, all Ive heard about the past 2 weeks is breaking the curse of the Bambino, and who is a better candidate to fool the public.

Why o' why can't someone poke the right holes in the Bush/Cheney Iraq facade? The FBI is investigating Halliburton's convenient takeover of gov contracts in Iraq, but this has not made much press for the campaigns. Mudge- knowing what you know of politics, why do you suppose this gets swept under the rug?
How is it that they are able to fool 50% of the voting public into believing they started a war with anyones best interest but their own? Everywhere I look I see Iraq as the wrong choice for the American people. Thus, even though I consider myself a middle-liner, I can not support one candidate in Pussy/Penis' corner this Tuesday.

On a side note people,
Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, NaderCrat, Moorecrat, Religican, or Riflecan,
JUST VOTE. VOTE VOTE VOTE!!! The best support or protesting you can do comes at election time!!! The Corner Bar has no room for the opinions of those who will not voice them at war time. "War" in the true, and metaphorical sense of the word.
VOTE VOTE VOTE!!

a moment of silence

2004-10-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

Hendrick Plane Carrying 10 Crashes Near Martinsville
Funeral Home Director Says Hendrick Family Members Among Dead

MARTINSVILLE, Va. (Oct. 24) -- A Hendrick Motorsports plane crashed Sunday on its way to a NASCAR race, killing all 10 people aboard, including the son, brother and two nieces of the owner of one of auto racing's most successful organizations.

A tragedy has befallen NASCAR today. Even those who consistently make fun of NASCAR can not speak harsh words. Racing has lost some of its most important figures.
Although Kurt Busch has this years cup pretty much in the bag, a Hendricks win would ease the pain a bit. Good luck to both Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson.

I am not a Gordon/Johnson fan, but my heart goes out to them in their time of grief.

you wasted life, why wont you waste death??

2004-10-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

"Joe The Bartender" becomes "Joe the Bum"

In what was seemingly inevitable, Joe The Bartender finally parted ways with the Buffalo Crapp tonight. Heart-Wrenching yet liberating, a person can only stand so much for 7.00 an hour.

Though I can not list too many good things about the job itself, I will miss you all terribly. I am leaving a group of people I care deeply for, and will never forget. You all hold a place in my heart.

Just remember that God works in mysterious ways, and tonight he pointed his finger in a new direction. I welcome your questions and comments, but do not expect to see me around Savage Minnesota for what could be years. I apologize whole-heartedly to those who bore the brunt of my decision. Sometimes a man has to make difficult choices in life.

Farewell Buffalo Tap and Family.

Corner Bar Copycat

2004-10-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

200 things.

The Mudge put an entertaining post on recently. He took a break from the norm.
I can certainly understand his needing a change from commentary, being a career writer. Problem is I cant resist doing the same post. Things Ive done in bold.

1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink (hello? I work in a bar.)
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain (visited my friend in college in AZ)
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree (yeah. right.)
10. Done a striptease (youd give me better tips to keep my clothes on.)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise (more times than I can count really)
15. Seen the Northern Lights (never up close, too close to the city.)
16. Gone to a huge sports game (Game 7, 1987 World Series Twins beat Cardinals)
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (nothin better)
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper (lots of single moms out there, good thing to know)
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne (Good God, do not do this.)
25. Given more than you can afford to charity (always the animal ones)
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse ( I can even win online games)
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill (Ill do it again too)
31. Asked out a stranger (As usual, total psycho)
32. Had a snowball fight (Minnesota, duh)
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier (not just my bottom either...)
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly could (she rocked)
35. Held a lamb (chops, legs, Lamb is one of my favs)
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy (she really rocked)
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip (shrinkage, auuuggghh!)
38. Taken an ice cold bath (I hate it when its hot, I do this when its humid out.)
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar ( I tend to ignore beggars, I have to work my ass off for my oney. They can too.)
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run (Ive lost count really, or do they mean baseball?)
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days (corporate America does things "right on time")
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (damn champagne again)
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day (Oh my Golly-Gosh yes! Asian Indian.)
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (one day maybe)
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (22 was my favorite ag so far)
48. Been to the top of the World Trade Center (something I will never get to do I guess. at least not the original)
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts ( Is this possible? maybe if I became brewmaster at Leinenkugels)
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced (hold her hair back as she heaves, its only gentlemanly)
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (probably not in this lifetime)
53. Had amazing friends (and family as well)
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (technically Canada is a foreign country)
55. Watched wild whales ( I once saw Roseanne Barr in person, does that count?)
56. Stolen a sign (why would I steal them? I make them.)
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbed (AZ, NV)
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Went for a midnight walk on the beach (Crystal Lake, but its still a beach right?)
62. Gone sky diving (not with my luck)
63. Visited Ireland( On my agenda)
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love (cucking funt)
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan (NOT on my agenda)
67. Benchpressed your own weight (right)
68. Milked a cow (metaphorically speaking, you figure it out. That damn champagne again)
69. Alphabetized your records/CDs (used to, got lazy)
70. Pretended to be a superhero (pretended?)
71. Sung karaoke (i can sing, but I hate karaoke)
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers (never happen)
74. Gone scuba diving (also on my agenda)
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye (cant say I listen to much soul, Enigma is the best for this)
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater (got hassled by cops who thought a bottle of bubblesoap was fireworks)
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it (tough shit, deal with it)
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog (not hiding from anybody really)
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business ( I still struggle, I have had countless problems with my equipment)
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class ( I want to go back too, cool stuff)
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman (what is this, 1600?)
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (Never once have I played D&D, proud to proclaim)
90. Written "For Sexual Favors" on the memo line of a check ( no, but I will now)
91. Been in a movie (mmmm... no comment)
92. Crashed a party (come on, I bring the party with me)
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have (cucking funt)
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy (no because she was already dizzy)
95. Laughed so hard you spit milk through your nose ( I always hated my next door neighbor for this)
96. Had sex at the office ( naah, when I worked in an office there was no real good place to get away with it)
97. Gone without food for 5 days (do I look like a dumbass? dont answer that...)
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice ( I rode the one at the Bellagio though)
101. Gotten a tattoo (not likely)
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on (silk thongs are Gods gift to men, and some women)
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place (she dared me, and it was mutual. Although Ill never know if she actually finished. At any rate, Dennys will never be the same experience again.)
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything (My friends call this "The Joe Show")
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug ( legal ones too, I dont discriminate)
109. Performed on stage (evidently this pertained to #107)
110. Been to Las Vegas ( its a friendly tradition now to have bachelor parties there)
111. Recorded music ( it was sad)
112. Eaten shark (mako, it was gross)
113. Had a one-night stand (over 2X my age.)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live (i have no idea what this is)
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone (no, but props to all that have)
118. Buried one/both of your parents ( it scares me every day)
119. Dyed your hair
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone (havent we all?)
123. Bounced a check (I was 16, gimme a break)
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children ( almost, and I plan to)
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy (He Man is back, allright!!)
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person ( If Coleman gets back in in 4 years, I may do something similar to Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption)
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (I want to sooooooo bad. Damn this forsaken sign business.)
134. ...more than once? (see #133)
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking. (No Officer, I havent been drinking...)
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did ( she miscarried)
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart (she then turned to hating me)
146. Helped an animal give birth (not a chance)
147. Been fired or laid off from a job (*&#$@%#&%ing assholes. One day I will repay them for everything they fucked up)
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone ( still whole here)
150. Killed a human being (even if I had, would I just plainly admit it?)
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle (always the bitch, unfortunately)
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph ( not a good idea)
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced (what the hell for?)
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (A friend has a Desert Eagle .50 cal. Holy Shit!)
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild ( no, I dont think they were wild)
157. Ridden a horse (long time ago)
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train ( NOW on my agenda)
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing (just about every time I fly)
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents (not quite yet)
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat (Ill try anything once.)
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground (Oh yes, hasnt everyone?)
169. Been a sperm or egg donor (depends on what you mean...)
170. Eaten sushi (i hate fish, much less raw puffer)
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions (no, he seems incapable of firing people. he would rather demote them and inconvenience everyone)
175. Gone back to school ( I really should, but the thought of even more debt just frightening)
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name (For a long time I wanted to, no one can pronounce it.)
178. Petted a cockroach (I suppose, if you consider stomping on it petting)
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes ( was not impressed)
180. Read The Iliad (difficult reading, and really not that great to be honest.)
181. Selected one -important- author who you missed in school, and read their work ( Anne Coulter, What a horrible mistake. Who does that bitch think she is?)
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them ( I have an ecelctic collection of bar glasses.)
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you (No, Im not that stupid)
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch (yes, but not as much anymore)
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (and I dont even like fish)
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt (makes me think of Billy Madison)
187. Skipped all your school reunions (they dont do 5 anymore, aint been 10 yet)
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (love those latin honeys)
189. Been elected to public office (I would change the world)
190. Written your own computer language (Oh right, and Ill play some competitive chess, then go home and watch Star Trek)
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream (refer to #50)
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care ( I better not have to anytime soon either)193. Built your own PC from parts (working on one now, mof)
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Traveled more than 200 miles for a hookup ( no, not quite that far, although I did have one come that far to meet me)
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Attended a presidential inaugural ball (why on Earth would I even want to?)
200: Been arrested (no comment)

remember, its never so bad that it couldnt get worse

2004-10-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

She Sickened Me With Science

NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) -- Your job may be crappy, but according to a report from "Popular Science" magazine, it's probably not as bad as being an Anal Wart Researcher.

Can't argue with that. Bartending may suck worse than Jenna Jameson on crack, but it couldnt be worse than inspecting cracks.

Why? Why? Why?

2004-10-15T13:17:00.000-07:00

Man Badly Burned, Shocked While Trying To Steal Electrical Cable

HONOLULU -- A man got badly burned while trying to steal a copper cable from a Maui Electric Co. distribution system.

Is there a new use for electrical cable on the black market? Why in the hell would anyone try to steal cable, much less live ones? Must've been hittin that Maui Wowie.

ooooooooo K. Whatever.

2004-10-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

Six to Be Tried in Bush Thong Protest

PHILADELPHIA — The American Civil Liberties Union is defending six men who were arrested during one of President Bush's visits to Pennsylvania because they stripped down to thong underwear and formed a human pyramid to protest the Abu Ghraib prison scandal in Iraq.

With as conservative as America has gone these past few years, this will be a hard case to defend. They will probably win their case though.

My question is did they really do it protest Abu Graib, or did they just like piling on top of each other half naked?
I think there are much better ways of protesting to get your point across.

And in the middle of Amish country? Now thats just funny... Technically Amish should be unaware of the Abu Graib scandal because they don't watch TV or read newspapers. They just saw a bunch of sacriligious queers.

Could it be explained any better?

2004-10-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

Inside the mind of Al Qaida
The group's key goals are aimed at cultivating new members and a militant spirit.

A piece by piece explanation of why the US will never "win" the war on terrorism.

"We regard war as a finite process, with a beginning, middle, and end. For our jihadist foes, it is a perpetual condition," said Jenkins at a recent RAND terrorism conference in Washington.

Without a spy network sophisticated enough, the US will never even penetrate the front lines of the war on terror. The funding is just not allocated.
Bin Laden hopes for another Bush presidency because his war mongering and arrogant banter are what Uncle Binny needs to recruit with. Bush feeds this man his volunteers, while Hollywood and CNN give them ideas for new attacks.

So yes GOP, you are losing the war on terror. Yet you claim that Kerry will not be able to defend us as well as you do. You also make the claim that freedom is the key to beating terror, when in reality it is your so-called spread of democracy that's is fueling the flame.

We can fight a torch with a flame thrower, but we will still get burned.

What is my solution then?
The funding for Iraq, Afghanistan, Haiti, Philippines, Liberia and anywhere else Pussy/Penis have used our troops, should be going to defending our homeland.
We must find the cells that operate here first. A spynetwork as mentioned above would be a start. Then we must do a much better job of scrutinizing our borders. The FBI must do extensive background checks on every single immigrant.
Only after these systems are changed could I justify taking the war overseas.

Afghanistan was politically necessary, the US was hungry for blood. A vote against the war in Afghanistan would have been political suicide. However, in hindsight, what did we really accomplish? We don't know if he's really there, or if he ever was. We created an unstable government, and furthered the region's hatred for the US, thus more mujahideen rose up.

Vote for Bush, vote for Bin Laden. It's that simple.

Pluggin again!!

2004-10-13T00:05:00.000-07:00

BLAIRS BLOG

The Corner bar has added another blog to its list of worthwhile readable sites, Blairs Blog. He is a close personal friend of The Chronic Curmudgeon, and an equally good writer. Mr Blair is also a supporter of the anti-Bush movement, which places him in The Corner Bar's A-list.

So, check out BLAIRS BLOG for more enlightening opinions and comic relief banter.

Where do they find them?

2004-10-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

Man Accused Of Pouring Coffee On Child
Witnesses Say Man Was Angry That Girl's Soda Can Sprayed Him

NORTH ANDOVER, Mass. -- A man has been arrested, accused of pouring coffee on a young girl at a farm in North Andover.

The Mudge used a term a while back that has stuck with me. Without exact quotes, it was something about how he loved reading the follies of those swimming in the "shallow end of the gene pool."
This man hasn't even waded in yet, he's still on the steps. I would've immediately poured that entire can of soda in his lap, then smashed it on his head. He is 100% guilty of stupidity.

However, I think Assault & Battery with a Dangerous Weapon is a bit harsh, especially with no injuries.
Must be slow pickins for the DA there in Norh Andover.

A happy ending

2004-10-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

Stranded cat, daring rescue

The tiny gray kitten was running out of lives.
Obviously unwanted and apparently thrown over the side of the Brent Spence Bridge, it landed not in the water of the Ohio River 100 feet below but on the understructure of the span.

I had to put this one in because I am a cat person.
I have no idea how someone could just toss a kitten over the side of a bridge. I find that those who are militantly anti-cats have never really tried to be-friend one.
To identify with a cat, you have to understand that a cat is not sitting there waiting for commands like a dog. He/she is waiting for a signal from you that what they are doing is either right or wrong. If he goes to scratch the couch, squirt him with a water bottle. If he uses the litterbox, encourage him for doing the right thing.
Cats are independent which is why they are the perfect pet for me. Low maintenance and not terribly expensive either.
Don't get me wrong here, I like dogs too. But I think in order for me to own a dog, I should own a house first. A friend of mine has a pitbull that he keeps in his 1 bedroom apartment with a ferret, python, and pirrahnas. The poor thing is miserable. A dog needs room to play, jump and run around.

At any rate, if your a cat lover, or just a sucker for sappy stories, you might like this one.

What a Fucking Fool!!

2004-10-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

Jolie blamed for Pitt and Aniston marriage crisis

Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are allegedly suffering a marriage crisis because Pitt is spending all his time with actress Angelina Jolie.

Does this really need explanation?
Jennifer Aniston is like, the hottest thing that has ever been shown on camera. This dumbass chooses a freak over her? Angelina Jolie is hot, but shes no JA.

Jennifer- I will treat you like the Goddess you deserve to be treated as.

Album of the year

2004-10-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

Corner Bar bumps SNOW PATROL: Final Straw ahead of RYAN ADAMS: Rock and Roll

In what seemed like an endless stream of shitty music produced this year, Snow Patrol has emerged as a talented and artisticly motivated supergroup from across the pond.
Ryan (NOT BRYAN!!!) Adams has headed the top 10 all year, I have not a good enough replacement until now.
Anyone who has discussed music with me before knows that I hold pretty high standards to what I feel is truly art, vs what I think is just entertainment. Rarely do I find music in the mainstream that I can actually justify buying an album for. Now, however, we have replaced the FM with satellite radio at work. There is a station for unsigned artists, and one for my absolute fav, UK bands.

The US has had its share of epic artists, but compare them to what has come from the UK and there really is none. All thoughout the history of Rock and Roll, the UK has always sent the most successful candidates to the studio. You could argue thatThe Doors, Aerosmith and The Eagles where epic American bands, yes. But can you name anymore? Better yet, can you name one to come out of the 90's? DMB could be considered, however Dave Mathews has been solo for 2 albums now, and has not had the success equal to that of his past.

Now by epic, I mean longevity. How many bands from the 80's or 90's will still be heard on the radio 30 years from now? We still hear Beatles, Pink Floyd, Zep, Rolling Stones, and U2 on a daily basis. Hell they are all still making music. Will we hear Snow Patrol or Ryan Adams 30 years from now? Not likely.

So ,if your looking for some new music, download or purchase anything from Snow Patrol. I have not been disapointed yet.

rrrrrrreeeaall tough guys

2004-10-10T23:50:00.000-07:00

Madison Brothers Allegedly Chase Children With Hammer, Ax

Police arrested two Madison brothers after they allegedly chased three children with weapons Thursday.

Horst P. O'Brien, 50, is charged with disorderly conduct while armed. Raymond O'Brien, 47, is charged with disorderly conduct while armed and a separate count of disorderly conduct, police said.

I think the word "Wisconsin" explains this one.

Lets talk about sex, baby! Lets talk about you and me!

2004-10-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

Spanish Mamacita rocks the world of Joe The Bartender

Holy smokes people! A woman of great beauty has shown interest in yours truly. Again. Same restaurant as the first one. Problem: No Habla Englese

Now, being a bartender I am used to girls hitting on me. Most of them are mental cases, and drunk on top of it, so I smile and flirt back as part of my job. I have had girls flirt with me in front of their boyfriends. Once I even had a girl give me a shoulder massage right on the bar in front of her boyfriend who evidently asks all the time and recieves none. He told me to make sure to arrange one for him. I told him it was his responsibility to take care of his woman, then she would take care of him.

I know THE DEMONIC CURMUDGEON couldn't have this happening, as he has taken to completely smearing my opinion all over his blog for people to berrate. Men who have women to attend to dont usually take the time to make prime examples of family members they feel are inferior. Thus, the constant pursuit of proving to the world he is right must be filling the sexual void.

We have fired back and forth for months now, but I never expected him to attempt a gang-rape of my opinions. He makes the obnoxious claim that he "has to school me" and "it was going to hurt him more than me." None of this hurts me in the least.

Get all your friends to praise Pedro for you. Good.

Then get laid.

She needs a hobby I think

2004-10-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

N.S. woman crusades against Sunday shopping

A woman in Nova Scotia is on a personal crusade to convince people in the province to vote against Sunday shopping.

I want to write this woman a letter. She seems to think that somehow the world revolves around her. Also, does she realize that if she succeeds and everything closes, she will not be able to go out that day either, much less go to work.
I would figure Canada the last place they would make laws based on 2000+ year old religious beliefs.
No on is forcing this woman to work on Sundays but herself.

Interesting

2004-10-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

Solskjær donates advertising money to Eritrea

Manchester United striker Ole Gunnar Solskjær is probably the best known Norwegian in the world thanks to his association with the leading English soccer club. While recovering from a long-term injury Solskjær has found a new interest, helping schoolchildren in Eritrea, newspaper VG reports.

Im sure Randy Moss would do the same.

Look at what Nike is paying this guy. Soccer (football) is the second most watched sport in Europe, and he has been offered sponsorship of about 100 000 yearly. I think Shaq spends that much on shoes for the season. (He wears a new pair for every game.) When US Sports stars donate time and money, it is for taxation purposes and press.

Why does football(US) have to be so flashy? Watching Terrell Owens (who at this point IS better than #1 rated Randy Moss) do those God damned sit-ups in the endzone was enough to make me want to kick his gold teeth in. It also killed me to see that Donovan McNabb had already cleaned himself up, and had makeup on by the time he reached the game ending comments two weeks ago. Not off the field yet, but not so much as a drip of sweat, or glare on him whatsoever.
I work on Sunday afternoons, so I watch Bills, Packers, and Vikings games on a regular basis. While play to play excitement still remains, football has been drained of its true soul.