Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Ain't That A Kick In The Pants?

Suspect wins one case then is arrested

One has to cringe, then laugh at this poor fellow. I guess this is the second story about gun safety and responsible ownership I'm adding today. Easy come easy go.

Or maybe not, this guy probably can't come or go.

Good lord, sometimes you think you've got it rough. Then you read about a series of events such as this and you can laugh at those even less fortunate.

Too Bad It Didn't Hit Daddy

2-Year-Old Fires .357 Magnum Handgun

Toddler Injured By Recoil; No One Else Hurt

How does a 2 year old get ahold of a handgun?
This is exactly the kind of thing that gives responsible owners a bad name. I really don't agree with most gun laws, I see them as red tape. You can require people to lock their doors, but you cant stop someone whos willing to break a window. Thus, you can make it harder to buy a gun legally, but theres no waiting peiod or background check to buy one on the street. And really, who uses their own gun to commit crimes? Only the brainless.

However, this is pure stupidity. A 2 year old shouldn't even know there is a gun in the house. I really wish it wouldve hit dad or mom in the kneecap or foot. It would've been a lesson quickly learned.

For A Good Time, Click

Looking for a good laugh?

Head over to The Chronic Curmudgeon, and scroll down to the post entitled "RANDOM AND SOMETIMES CRUDE OBSERVATIONS, JANUARY 2005"

Section #4 rates a 10 for ingenuity and proper etiquette.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Inauguration Day

Mr. 2%

I didn't watch the speech because I'm pretty sure that I already know what he said. The same gibberish that he has been spewing for years with an added "we won, we must be right, " spin on it.
2%, Mr President. 2%.

2% decided the course of our military and its hard working, violently dying soldiers. To keep in office a man who is just as guilty as the men he hunts.

2% decided it was better to give tax cuts to corporations than to the middle class. That a defecit equal to 3/4 of the national GDP is acceptable.

2% decided it was better to drill for oil to burn, than to preserve our natural surroundings.

2% decided that knowledge and facts are useless and debatable, and that faith is how a government should base its laws, and spend its money.

How? With scare tactics.
Scare the people into believing the John Kerry could not stop terrorist attacks as well. Fool them into believing that increasing anti-American sentiment is the best way to fight terrorism. Loosely blame Saddam for 9/11 until questioned directly, then deny any suggested relation.

Where will it all end? Hopefully on a good note. Until then we have 4 more years of this tripe to deal with.
To Red state Americans I say this:
I hope you are right and we are wrong, because you will never be credible again if you are not.
I don't buy what your selling, and I wont until I see results that are not clouded by religious rhetoric, and lies.

I dont know where to end this post, so Ill just stop now.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

God I Hate The Dirty Birds

Falcons Demolish Rams, Steelers Defeat Jets

I don't know what the Rams were playing tonight, but it sure wasn't football. I saw men who are payed millions miss passes that were right to them, with no defensive coverage. I saw an offensive line that was some kind of hollogram. I saw Warrick I lick Michael Vick's Ass Dunn rush for 140 yards.
The whole thing was sickening.
The Falcons were, and are, the most overrated team out there. Period. If they somehow make it to the superbowl, we will know just how weak the NFC was this year.

On the other hand it was nice to see the Steelers take the Jets. In a evenly matched battle, it was defense for both sides that made the game. Way to go Steelers! Nobody likes to see New York teams win anything.

Go Vikes!!

More Humor From The Far East

Woman's acupuncture treatment goes bust

Wow... I dont even know where to begin with this one. Is there blonds in Taiwan?

I think the part that really gets me is she decided to go from an A to a D.

Pictures for this one would have been priceless.

"She Set My Heart, And The Bed On Fire."

Tryst turns torrid
Woman hurt in fire

This one is pretty much self explanatory.
Can you imagine?

Maybe the guy was a closet flamer. Poor cat.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

It Is To Laugh

I glued my eyelids shut!

SUNSHINE Coast great-grandmother Terry Horder got the fright of her life when she accidentally stuck her eyes shut with super-strength glue.

I guess I don't understand how or why she would do both eyes. Wouldn't you notice after dropping glue into one eye?
I suppose I should give her a break, being 78 and all. Old or young the thought of this is simply funny. The old man's comments are what really take the cake.
Lucky she wasn't going for nose drops.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Fudge The Packers!


Ok, so I'm not a Vegas bookie or any kind of real sportscaster. I do know however, that it is nearly impossible to beat the same team 3 times in a season. I really think they can win this one, even with "Mike, Im fair and nice but a complete fool, Tice.
If the Vikings can win game one tomorrow, they must go back to Philly where they were destroyed earlier this season. Then face St. Louis or Atlanta for the NFC. It is a loooooooooooooooooooong shot for a Vikings super bowl, but Ill keep the faith.

As of now, The Corner Bar predicts a Pittsburgh vs Philadelphia super bowl, with a Pittsburgh overtime win.
In AFC, New England has the D, but Brady has not performed the last 1/2 of the season. If the Steelers can stop Corey Dillon, they can win.
In NFC, The Eagles really have no competition. If Atlanta somehow goes to the superbowl, The Corner Bar will not even acknowledge their presence. Michael Vick sucks.

On a side note, The Corner Bar's fantasy team, The Screwballs, took this year's title with ease.
The Chronic Curmudgeon's team, He Hate Us, was handed defeat in the leagues Toilet Bowl by my brother's pathetic sham, The Dreadlords. While The CC was incessantly smug about his wins over the Gregonis teams throughout the season, it was nice to keep both trophies inside the family.

The Packers Suck.
The Falcons Suck.
The Jets Suck.


Times Have Really Changed

Drink-driver, 13, did 70mph in stolen car going the wrong way

I don't even know where to begin here. When I was 13 we thought we were rebels for sharing a cigarette and tearing down someone's Christmas lights. Drinking and driving was never even thought of.
I guess things are different in the UK all over, but still. I think we have the makings of another Dahmer or Wayne Gasey here.

Mother of The Year

Couple Who Locked Boy In Trunk Avoid Prison
7-Year-Old Said He Was Locked In Trunk 11 Times

She locked her kid in the trunk so she could go out and party. What else needs to be said?
Two counts of felony abuse, but no jail time. Was the judge doing drugs or something? These two should have the book thrown at them. 11 times wasn't enough for the judge to see that this kind of thing was probably not going to stop.

Prosecutors won but still lost. I'm blown away.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Holy Crapp!

Doctors astounded: drunken man survives astronomical blood-alcohol level

SOFIA, Bulgaria (AP) - Incredulous doctors made five blood tests on a drunken man to confirm he had a blood-alcohol content of 0.914, far above the usual life-threatening range, police and doctors said Tuesday.

You would read this at first and think there was no possible way this is a true story. But then you have to figure that no one could really make this up either. They tested him 6 times. He was hit a by a car, and was still capable of having a conversation with police.

How does a man, who obviously has been a steady drunk for quite some time, even live to 67? How much of his life has been a drunken state?

"What do you do with yourself these days?" "Oh, I drink and pass out. Thats pretty much it."

Words Fail Me

Bank Robber Does Nearly Everything Wrong

I just kept shaking my head as I read this. This guy could br our fist candidate for moron of the year, and it's only the 4th of January. It's true what they say," Crack don't smoke itself!" I think if I was going to risk like 20 years in prison, I would make sure it was worth a lot more than 1200$.

Naturally they haven't been able to catch him yet either. Oy Vey.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Now Thats Irony

Sri Lankans Stop Eating Fish

(AP) Seafood prices plunged in Sri Lanka on Sunday because of fears that fish may have fed on thousands of human corpses washed into the sea by the region's tsunami.

Thats certainly a disturbing thought.


Sunday, January 02, 2005

Back for a few

Well the holidays are finally over, I must say I really hate this time of year. I hope everyone had a good Chrismas, Hannuka, Kwanzaa, Ramadan,etc.. and New Years. No one died or got arrested, so all's well here.

Why do I hate this time of year? Most of all it reminds me that Im a year older. I am Christmas baby, and as I draw closer and closer to the big 3-0, my mind becomes more and more scrambled as to which way my life should really be heading. Ive decided that baby steps are the best way to go at this point. Getting out of that bar was essential, and so was re-entering the creative arts and manufacturing sector. Large weights were lifted by these two steps, but I still carry a heavy load.

The new job itself is going pretty well, it has its ups and downs like anything. It bothers me driving to work when its still dark out, but thats the way it is.
Im hoping to have a new place by the end of the summer. Im rounding third on some debts that should be paid off by that time which will allow me more freedom. I also intend to start dating again, I have been avoiding women for a while because so many are psychotic, and really untrustworthy. ( Frequent readers may re-call an El Salvadorean girl I dated a couple months ago, lets just say that she lied pretty bad about her age.)

I look to the new year with more optimism than the last, and gear up my confidence for yet more speed bumps I must cross until I consider myself actually happy again.

Good luck to all on your resolutions, and may 2005 be filled with prosperity and love for the entire world.

P.S. I will return tomorrow with the first funny stories of the new year.

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