Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Where is the Earth Liberation Front?

Psych exam for alleged tree hacker

A Brighton man who allegedly has been waging a personal jihad on trees in his neighborhood was sent for a 20-day psychiatric evaluation yesterday after telling a Brighton District Court psychiatrist he has ``a responsibility to keep trees from producing pine cones.''

Not one single thing better to do with his time? This guy should get together with the guy in Japan who has declared war on flies.

I am not a tree hugger, I am basically a centerliner when it comes to environment vs industry. I feel that both are equally important and diverse enough that they can both thrive if handled correctly.
I also HATE the Earth Liberation Front. The best definition I can come up with for them is violent hippies, which in and of itself is sad. I will not link to their site because I do not want o improve their search engine rating with extra clicks.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Oh, to be a witness

Nude student gets tazed and tackled

Disoriented man roams around in Love Library

Absolutely priceless comedy.
Where is COPS San Diego when you need them? To have seen this event, or even to see the film of it would be the ultimate. This has talk show bits written all over it. Preliminary tests show he was not on drugs, but I'm going to vote that had to have been on something. Maybe he was smoking nutmeg?

First Timers?

Gang in series of robbery gaffes

A gang of Brazilian robbers were arrested after a robbery attempt went wrong.

A second nomination for the years top ten list.

Knowing that Brazil is not a thriving economy, I wonder how much they actually could have stolen. It doesn't say what kind of shop it was, but a gang of people is a big split. Why not a bank or something actually worth going to jail for? I don't think that this is much of a gang, but more a bunch of wannabes.

Something to be said about truth in advertising.

Customer Service with a Twist

LONDON (Reuters) - Customers of British cable firm NTL were subjected to a barrage of profanity after a malicious hacker or disgruntled employee changed the company's telephone service message, the Sun said in its Monday edition.

Self explanantory file.

This would be good for insurance companies as well as customer service at Gateway.

I think that sums it up.

"Leadership Matters"

...An absence of leadership qualities in our military leaders gives rise to terms like "Seagull" Colonels and Generals, a species known to swoop in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, and then fly away. But our seagulls had an advantage over Bush and Cheney. Regardless of the mistakes made and not remedied, regardless of the illogic, stupidity and sheer idiocy of our present unit's existence under a seagull commander, at least we could be 100% sure they wouldn't be around for long.

Where was this woman during the conventions? This is a weekly column, I guess. I will bookmark it and see how much more ranting she does.

Glad he was thrilled

FAST BUCK? TRY THE BUSH TELEGRAPH

A Nine-year-old Oban boy was so deeply moved by the first anniversary coverage of the Twin Towers tragedy that he knew exactly what to do when he found a dollar bill.

It's good that it made the kid happy.
I would've liked to ask his parents what they thought of Bush. I know what I'd do with pictures of him and his dog.
Still from a non partisan angle, this is a good story. 3 years have passed since the day the world changed forever. I dont think there is a single person that cant recall exactly what they were doing when they heard the news, and stuck like glue to their TVs.

It was a game of numbers, so to speak.

9/11/2001, between 8:00 am and 12:00 am.
2 skyscrapers, 3 cities, 4 airplanes, 19 terrorists, 3089+? dead innocent victims, +/- 250,000 jobs, 40,000,000,000 tax dollars.

All for 1. 1 Nation. 1 Ideal. 1 Concept of right and wrong.

I do not wish to sit and revisit further this tragic turn of events.

Election year brings prospects of further chaos. The US faces difficult times ahead, and with Bush in charge we stand to face them alone. 75% of the world wants Bush out. A vote for GWB is a vote against the fight of international terrorism.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Nobody here but me and my monkey

Man Shoots Wife, Mistakes Her for Monkey

This is what is funny.
When I have a son, I will sit him down at a young age and explain to him that this is what gets a laugh.

I guess if you own a gun, you look for whatever reason you can find to shoot it. Dont bother to aim. Just shoot first and ask questions later.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

as if lightning struck...

Two People Injured in Chicago Porch Collapse

CHICAGO (AP) - A three-story porch collapsed Tuesday on Chicago's southwest side as three people were trying to steal a stove that was on it, authorities said.


What lesson did we learn today?

I swear people will steal just about anything that is not tied down, and some things that are. I can't tell you how many glasses people steal from the bar. Our bloody mary glasses have logos on them. Some say Leinies, some say Minnesota Wild, whatever it is doesn't matter. People automatically see a souvenir.

Monday, September 20, 2004

3 peat

Twins win it again.

It comes as no surprise, but its a happy day all the same. 3 straight division titles. Now we need to be in it to win it. The Yankees can not play the Red Sox in the first round, so the Twins will face New York or Boston, they will not face Oakland or Anaheim. Provided of course that something strange doesn't happen, and one of the latter two end up with a better record than Boston.
Boston is the one Twins fans should prepare the most for. My guess is Gardenhire may throw a few games to insure we face New York in round 1. Though it's probably inevitable that we play The Sox, I'd feel safer knowing they have to deal with Oakland(Anaheim) first.

I assume he meant his finger, right?

Hamilton mayoral candidate says opponent has a 'small one'
It was a little finger that caused a big offence.

A Hamilton woman says she was embarrassed and offended when front-running city mayoral candidate Martin Elliott wiggled his little finger in her face and told her his main rival for the city's top political job "had a small one".

I started thinking, "How come politics aren't like this in America?" Then I did see some similarities when he claimed it was not meant to be degrading.
John Kerry could wave around a rubber brain and say that W. had a "small one." Then he could wave around a rubber nose and say the Bush had a "hard one." I think a rubber donkey would be self expanatory, but at the same time counter productive.

Speaking of which, who decided on the political party symbols anyway? Making the democratic one a donkey is like walking through a paintball arena wearing a shirt with target on it.
And an elephant? Hello? Ever seen an elephant in the wild around your house? How does an elephant represent American conservatism? Maybe its because theyre loud, annoying, and stink so bad. Not that an ass smells like roses or anything (no pun intended).

Scary

Cop botches suicide attempt sparked by wedding woes

HIROSHIMA -- A police sergeant who attempted suicide by shooting himself in the head with his service revolver because of problems with a marriage failed to take his own life after he missed his target despite firing from point-blank range, according to police.

Another self expanantory one.
Do they have firearm training in Japan, or is it a free for all on police work? Look at what city it happened in. Maybe he has a 6th finger that got in the way...(snicker)

I bet attendance was good

Masterton students brew beer in class

A Masterton private school has defended its NCEA beer brewing science classes but community leaders are unimpressed.

If Wisconsin school boards hear about this they may try to change legislation.

I don't remember any cool classes like this one in high school. I hated going to school really. It was always a total drag, and seemed like a waste of time. It was important to have the piece of paper though, so I usually went.

well written, almost...

Decision to ride out Ivan leads to brush with death

When Ivan came calling, adrenaline junkie Don Butler was there to meet him in a waterfront town house. What followed was a terrifying ordeal that took Butler to death's doorstep.

Oh boy. Where to start with this one...

I think this guy will make top 10 for the year on The Corner Bar's year end countdown of the worlds brightest shining stars. The article itself is actually fairly well written, it is a spooky story. It's after you read what the guy says that makes you wonder just how hard it is to become an engineer for the US Airforce. I can only imagine him continuing to make arrogant and selfish choices like this one. The statement at the end leaves a a feeling in me that perhaps it was not God who helped this man, but some type of Beavis and Butthead dumb luck in which everyone else involved are the true victims of the situation.

"Hmmm lets see... every one of my neighbors is gone, as well as my family. I'm sure I could be the one exception for this storm. I shuttered my windows, the house looks secure. Might put the girls through hell for a few hours, but what a thrill for me! Hell! Lets crack a cold one Zeus!"

I wonder if he could be prosecuted in some way or another. Cruelty to animals maybe? Why didn't the poor dog go with the wife and kids?

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Very Nice

Plea deal made in stabbing death

PORT CLINTON -- A woman charged with murdering an Erie Township man Oct. 7 took a plea bargain and pleaded guilty to lesser charges Friday in Ottawa County Common Pleas Court.
Adelina Sipperley, 39, who is being held in the Ottawa County Detention Facility, stabbed Derek Trent with a 6-inch kitchen knife more than 24 times in his mobile home at 1670 W. Lakeshore Drive...

...Sipperley and her daughter, Jessica Guerra, 19, of Port Clinton, were smoking crack cocaine at Trent's trailer when the three got into a dispute about money, police reported.

Another brilliant cross section of American culture.
"We just sat down for de famila rock roast, when mawma stuck pawpa wit de blade!" I can only imagine the dispute was for who payed for the crack, vs who was smoking the majority of it. At least she didn't cut off his Cheney.

What's really great is that the writer of this article plainly states the womans address, and here I am 1000s of miles away reading it. Not to mention furthering its spread over the WWW.

Never Drink and Drive Case Files # 84508312498

Man shows up drunk for drunken driving hearing

READING, Pa. - A motorist's bail was revoked when police said he had the daring to show up drunk to his preliminary hearing on drunken driving charges.

My parents are from Reading PA, and I still have extended family there.
This guy just bought himself some court ordered treatment. I think the only thing that is really predictable about drunks is just that they are going to be drunk. You can never really tell what they're going to do next, unless they are digging into their wallet.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

sounds like about 45% are liars as well

Fight porn, pastor tells churches

Even among men attending the conferences of Promise Keepers, an evangelical Christian organization, 53 percent reported they viewed pornography in the past week.

Somehow I smell a campaign platform coming. I can see it now. The war on Pornography. The Pres will take money from every religious group there is, and try to legislate the porn industry out of business. I can only imagine an outcome similar to that of his other losing battles.

I think that churches need to spend less time trying to solve the worlds problems by eliminating anything that might be the slightest bit fun. It angers me to think that sex is wrong just because they say so. I guess it is a profitable business to sell the afterlife.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

What Now? What Now? Now We Go To War...

Screwballs Favored by 7

I checked my fantasy football schedule today, and badabing, I'm up against The CC. My Team is picked by a touchdown.

On both of our sites, my cousin and I are neck and neck over certain things. You can read some of comments to each other below, you can also visit his site for more fun. He has many more readers, and a lot more messages.

This is why for the next few days,The Corner Bar hereby declares war on The Chronic Curmudgeon, on the grounds that he has allied with enemy factions in Boston, and is encroaching a second front in Fantasy Land.

For anyone not following baseball, it is highly likely that the Minnesota Twins and Boston Red Sox will meet at some point in the American League playoffs this year. The series will run a full 5 or 7 games, depending on which tier they meet in.

-Curse of the Bambino.
The Sox fans have been subject to much of what Vikings fans have been subject to. Choking every time, while your next door neighbor is always the best. Even if Boston does beat the Twins, The Cubs or Cards will destroy them. I am not settled on a National League team yet. It would be sweet if say, Nomar cracked one straight at Meinkewicz and he missed it to lose game 7.

- HA HA!! You have Doug Meinkewicz!!
Spend all that money on players just to get that whiner? Not to mention losing one of the best offensive players in the game in the process... Nomar has had a few off years, but is still potentially a triple crown winner when healthy.

Hopefully the Twins will get smart and start Rincon, as Radke is not much of a match for Curt Schilling. He is the only other one that can reach 96-98mph besides Nathan.

Football on the other hand is even more interesting in that I have Daunte, and he has Moss. This is the only game where Daunte's touchdowns can both help and hurt me. With both Bennett and Williams benched, he may be passing more than ever. Never the less, Sportsline picks me to win.

So, to the battle stations men!! There is skull duggery ahead.

you ask yourself and others...WHY???????!!!!!!!

Father Faces Charges After His Two-Year-Old Daughter Got Drunk


Amazing.
First, because it didn't happen in Wisconsin. I shit you not, they put beer in baby formula there.

Second, because it once again proves just how far bad parenting can really go.
How many did Daddy have before sharing? How stupid do you have to be (make yourself) to give booze to a 2 year old? Why oh why are people like that be allowed to breed? Pfizer needs to put research into the gene for ignorance. If this gene is detected at birth, they should be treated like all other retards. Don't you just want to kick the shit out of this guy? I'm sure Mom's a real winner too, having chosen to mother this man's child. For the sake of all humanity, either God, or Social Services must intervene here.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Plug... Plug... Plug

The Snarky Cat & Pulp Friction

The Chronic Curmudgeon has links to several blogs on his site.
These two are good political ones. Please surf around if you have time.

The Anti-Bush movement suffered a hit these past few weeks, but we continue on.

I have not done much political commentary lately because to be honest I am sick of it. I am sick of hearing empty promises. I am sick of hearing how one is right and the other wrong.

This countries political system is not what it once was. Its just a game.
I say eliminate the electoral college. Candidates should not be allowed to strategically win the right states. This country belongs to the people.
Right now it is looking like 4 more years of recession and war. I hate talking about it at work, and now I even hate blogging about it.
On the bright side, John Kerry leads by 9% here in Minnesota. At least this state can see past the illusions created by GWB and his Dick.

Halo Scan

Hey everyone, I added Halo Scan weblog service to my comments. It will now be much easier to leave me comments on the site. My Dad called my attention to how annoying it could be with blogger's system.

Maybe now I will hear more voices?



Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

7 means 8

7 wins in a row. The Magic Number is 8


The Minnesota Twins crushed The Chicago Sweat Sox tonight 10-2, extending their lead to 11.5 games. Johan Santana pitched 7 innings, gave up only 2 hits, and no runs.

This year could be # 3. The past has shown that defense, and solid pitching is what wins world championships. The Yankees, and Cardinals put on a hitting show, but they dream of a pitching lineup like the Twins have. Quite possibly the best bullpen there is backs the leading Cy Young candidate to the American League Central title and beyond.

Which do you think is better? 4 players who can all hit 40 home runs, or 7 that can all hit 25? The Twins have a solid offense and defense. They are snubbed by large market teams, which makes it sweeter when they win. Nobody deserves this years championship more than the Twins. Its easy to win lots of games when you stock your team with 5, 10 million dollar players. Its a lot harder when your entire team's payroll is just over 15 million. For the past 3 seasons now, the Twins have been building a team good enough to be the best. Whether or not we really are remains to be seen, but this fan sees a good future.

I say to all of you large market cheaters, especially my Benedict Arnold cousin who is somehow or another a BooSux fan, DONT COUNT US OUT YET. We can handle anything you've got.

(sigh)

Speeding van snaps power pole, driver electrocuted lifting wires

DETROIT (AP) — A man lost control of his speeding van, snapping a utility pole, then was electrocuted when he tried to lift a power cable from the vehicle Monday, police say.

I was going to say that he wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree, but then I realized that he might be now. Better to say he was not the sharpest pencil in the box.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

"I can't do anything right..."

Suicide jumper thwarted ... again

MONTEREY PARK - For at least the 10th time in eight years, Francisco Solomon Sanchez of Duarte attempted a public suicide by threatening to jump from a freeway overpass, tying up traffic on two major freeways for hours, officials said Sunday.

How does a man with two prosthetic legs jump at all? Must be a pretty funny thing to watch.

Obviously this is a great way of drawing attention to himself, because we all know that if he really wanted to do it he could just drink bleach. They are probably getting tired of cleaning him up.
What are the odds this man has insurance? Tax money is covering this man in some way or another, you can be sure. Maybe he just likes to be in the hospital.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Never Drink and Drive Case Files, #1093481

Lawsuit claims ignition interlocks not safe

NORRISTOWN, Pa. -- A lawsuit filed in Pennsylvania claims a dashboard device intended to stop people from driving drunk can actually be a safety hazard.

Obviously this man was a high risk for repeat offenses. It does, however, seem that it would be a problem to do while driving, sober or drunk.

Technology has come a long way, why not equip cars with GPS so that they might be monitored consistently? Most drunken drivers are already flagged by law enforcement, my system would tell police just how many they are dealing with at a time. People with 3 or more DWIs would be required to have them installed, and tampering would be zero tolerance.

Maybe I should hire someone to write the software, and begin marketing it to governments? You can't figure I'm the first one to ever think of this.

Of course, both of these solutions only work if they are actually driving their own car.

Recently, there was a case in Minnesota where a guy had gotten his 26th DWI. He told the judge in court that he simply was not going to stop. He had gone this long, and was in enough trouble it didn't matter. The judge reassured him that it did matter, and told him that he would be stopping for at least 10 years while he served his prison time. 10 years. Ouch.

Shoot Jim, Its Comin' Right For Us!!

Boy, 13, shot 'in mistake for fox'

A 13-year-old boy was fatally shot on a night time hunting trip after one of the group apparently mistook him for a fox, police said yesterday.

The teenager, who is yet to be named, had been out "lamping" with a group of hunters in sloping fields at Harberton, near Totnes, Devon, when he was hit by a bullet from a .22 rifle.
He was flown by air ambulance to hospital but died later.

A little trigger happy aren't we? Perhaps there was some intoxication involved.
Even in the dark with a buzz, I would know the difference between a fox, and a 13 year old kid carrying a lantern. Wha't an asshole.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Oh yes. Definately blog worthy.

Backyard mechanic's painful lesson

'Series of unfortunate mistakes' leaves Monson man badly burned, but wiser
MONSON - The mistakes Doug Villone Sr. made earlier this month could have cost him his life. Instead, he survived with the help of a friend, but he was left with first-, second- and third-degree burns to his body.

This one gets funny when you read about what happened when he decided to stop, drop, and roll. I have set myself on fire a number of times, but I've never tried to roll around a garage.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Now Thats F'd Up right there

Playboy seeks McDonald's women
After Wal-Mart and Home Depot, magazine's Web site looking to feature chain's 'hamburger honeys.

owowowooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

I would say the old Buffalo Chip has some Hamburger Honeys. Darci, Andrea, Tracy, Nikki, how about it???

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

play the odds and lose

Never use a blowtorch to chase a wasp away...

Police in the town of Drebach said a roofing worker was attacked by a swarm of wasps. To protect himself, he used his blowtorch against the insects, setting one of the wasps on on fire.

The insect then flew back to its nest, which was located in the rafters, setting it on fire.


I think this is pretty self explanatory. A kamikaze wasp is funny, but not as funny as someone who uses a blow torch to deter a swarm of wasps. My guess is the guy was just looking for something to use that on.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

My money's on Ferrari

Gordon, Johnson to face F1's Schumacher

The opportunity to race against Schumacher excites Gordon.
I bet it does.

What a moneymaker.
Have those two ever driven anything besides a Monte Carlo anyway? I dont think you see a lot of Ferrari super cars around hicksville USA. This is the ultimate publicity stunt for what are two of the worlds most consistent money making machines.

Not Uncommon

Airplane's Toilet Ice Crashes Garden Party

GRAZ, Austria -- It was an inelegant intruder on a sunny afternoon: a chunk of ice from a jetliner toilet that broke free and slammed into an Austrian family's garden.

A friend of mine who is a laid off airline mechanic for Northwest has told me that this kind of thing happens all the time. It is caused by a slow dripping leak from the tank, that causes a stalactite type effect until it gets too heavy and breaks free.
Somebody somewhere will sue eventually.

Read Carefully

Thugs pick wrong target - a karate instructor

A karate instructor's trip to Fiji was about to get ugly, but not for him.

Unfortunately for the six attackers, they had picked on the wrong guy -- a fourth dan blackbelt in karate.

Craig Nordstrand, 47, had just beaten off four of the attackers. The other two had unsuccessfully had a go at his mate Peter Roche.

Now this is funny for two reasons.
1.) The obvious irony of the story itself. The morons were not convinced by one beating, they had to make sure these guys were really blackbelts after 2 fight off 6 without a scratch.

2.) More importantly, this writer makes The Corner Bar's quotation Hall Of Fame with his short, but direct 3rd paragraph. Saying something like that to a bartender is like throwing zebras into the lion cage.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Pretty Cheesy

Obscure law overturns Green Bay homicide conviction Man convicted of fatally beating man outside bar

A homicide conviction for a 24-year-old Green Bay man in the 1996 beating of a man has been dropped, based on a little-known and archaic law.

Since it was in Wisconsin, you can be sure this writer was drinking. I'm supposed to believe that there was people in WI 800 years ago that would have the organization and civilized lifestyle to write such a law? Did the Native Americans have a problem with random beatings outside taverns? Apparently the Editor was at the bar as well. More information necessary on this one.

Time to review the judiciary system a little guys. The family of this man will not receive justice because of some crappy law that for right now, I can not buy the origin of.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Good thing I wasnt there

Monroe coroner accidentally shoots himself in leg

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- Monroe County Coroner David Toumey was hospitalized with a leg wound after accidentally shooting himself while trying to demonstrate gun safety.

He was checking to see if it was loaded, yep. People were probably horrified and panicking, I would have been rolling on the floor. The class got their first hands-on lesson. At least he didn't have it pointed at the students. Imagine killing someone in a gun safety class...

Yeah. Right.

There may be life out there after all

ASTRONOMERS manning a radio telescope in Arecibo, Puerto Rico, believe they may have found proof that extra-terrestrials exist.

He probably picked up a sports match in Brazil. It would have to be a pretty high frequency to carry a sound this far. It would also take 100s of years to reach us. Any signal they caught from light years away, would have been made centuries ago.

Too much Bacardi there Fernandez....

I can only shake my head.

Cuts artery scaling fence, dies

A man taking a shortcut to work bled to death after slashing an artery on a razor wire fence at a Queens industrial park yesterday, cops said.

I don't get it. If all the businesses were closed, why was he going to work? Happy Labor day buddy!!

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Change of Name

The View Behind The Bar has evolved.
At first it was my intention to burden the web with my opinions on major issues and events. Cry out against this country's Bush, Dick, and Colin, and I will continue to do so when necessary.

However, I have found that both my readers and I enjoy the bartender's spin on the worlds most unfortunate much more than having to constantly bark at the illusionists that run the government.

This is why from today on, TVBTB will now be known as The Corner Bar. It seems a more fitting name for a blog where regulars come to have a laugh when they need one. I will make a habit of exposing the worlds funniest news stories, funny products, and bloopers. As always, accompanied by smartass comments. There will be no disgusting photos or anything crazy like that. Just a condescending view on those coming in last in the human race.

How do I find these things? Im not going to tell you because then you'll stop coming here. We'll just say that what I blog about is about 10% of what I read. I will only choose the best of the best for exposure on The Corner Bar. It must make me laugh, cringe, or amaze me in some way. Crazy drunks will be a common thing, as well over the top religious freaks. There will be plenty of toilet humor, well, because that's just what's funny. I will also do some music reviews, and maybe a weekly joke-off or something like that. Everybody wants to hear music and jokes at the bar right?

So there you have it. Stop by often to find humor in the 3rd degree, and invite your friends. And If you can find time, leave a message or two. I know Im getting readers, but I get few comments.
Coming Soon: A new blogger is on the way in Appleton Wisconsin... More to come.

Where do I get in line?

Ivana Trump Follows Ex-Hubby Donald to TV

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Now that her ex-husband The Donald has become a TV star as host of "The Apprentice," Ivana Trump is coming to prime time with a show of her own, helping a "mature" woman find love with a younger man.

Yeah Baby!
Reality TV sux worse than anything else on. At least this one has a respectable outcome. Im sorry, but forcing people to eat horse intestines for the entertainment of others is pretty sad.

Friday, September 03, 2004

I thought it was a SNL skit turned urban legend, but...

This has been referenced to in movies as well. I never knew there was such a thing. I laughed out loud when I saw that they sell t-shirst and hats as well.

Another new one

I will have to deal with every single drunk in the world at some time or another. Im convinced at this point.

So I'm out tonight, with a friend of mine who I work with. We go to a bar in town where another friend of her's is working. Not long, maybe about an hour later, she was off the clock.
Well, apparently she has a problem with her landlord. He is obsessed with her. He walked what was probably 4-5 miles just to come see her at the bar. He had obviously been drinking already, he was 1/2 in the bag.
So girl #2 sits down at our table, hoping to have a much needed drink, only to find Mr. Landlord. This is where it gets strange, and humorous at the same time.
The guy asks to borrow some money from her, then goes up to one of the little vendors and buys her flowers with the money he borrowed.
I was stunned, floored, and amazed all at the same time. What better way to win some girl over than to make a complete ass of yourself.
The poor girl is good at acting gracious, but he very obviously makes her uncomfortable. Why do freaks and goons insist on drinking?

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Where is Mike Myers when you need him?

There was a girl sitting at the bar last night at close, who told me she "was normally a dirty blond." (hair color) I looked at her friend, and asked if he wanted me to slam dunk that one...



These are hilarious!!!

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the [2004] Summer Olympics that they would like to take back

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"


Israel: 1000s, Palestinians:100s

I am not going o expand on this much. Just read this excerpt from the article, and and think for a second.
Nobody is winning.
'But Israeli officials are warning that they might move against Hamas leaders in Syria. The Damascus-based leadership's influence has grown following Israel's assassination of top Hamas leaders in Gaza.'

Hamas has already promised 100 acts of revenge for every leader Israel asassinates. Is Sharon taking lessons from Bush on how to strengthen you enemy?

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

To Quote the Mudge: "Some times this stuff just writes itself."

The destroyer

George Bush's war on terror may have made the world a more dangerous place. But it is his atrocious record on the environment that poses the greatest threat, says Graydon Carter, in the second exclusive extract from his new book.

Reading this article was priceless, albeit extremely long. It is no secret that W has no regard for the environment, but this does a good job of categorizing all the problems, as well as exposing both of W's faces about the environment.

God works in mysterious ways

HORROR AT SHOW

Two people were trapped and dozens of others hurt when temporary seating gave way during the Grapevine celebration at the Lincolnshire Showground last night.

More humor at the expense of others. When I read the title, I expected a lot worse than the eventual outcome. I would not have expected to comment on this, but when I pictured in my mind the timed sequence of the event, I realized the obvious humor therein. What's funnier still is that these people will probably think that it was some sign from God, rather than the result a few dozen people jumping up and down on the bleachers.

When I hear the word horror, I picture a little more than a few people falling on their ass.

I tried to stop myself from writing this.

Dog Bites Off N.M. Man's Genitals

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A man whose genitals were bitten off by a pit bull remained in serious condition Tuesday, and the dog remained on the loose.

The man, who has not been identified, was attacked Monday while walking the dog. When police arrived to help, the man appeared disoriented and fled on foot but police tracked him to a nearby park, said Detective Jeff Arbogast of the Albuquerque Police Department.

The man was naked when found at the park, but it was unclear at what point he had taken off his clothes. Neighbors had seen him playing with the dog earlier in the day.

Arbogast said investigators do not know why the man was naked, and remain uncertain about some circumstances surrounding the attack.

Now how do you go about explaining to someone how this happened? I really hope for a follow up on this because I am left partially clueless, never the less thoroughly amused with the story. Im sure he was pretty shook up, but what on earth would possess him to take off his clothes?

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