Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Elephantasia

Great. The GOP National Convention is underway.

To keep shortened my opinion of this event, I will say that the Republican army is prepared to unleash the dogs in full force over the Kerry/Edwards campaign.
If I hear Norm Coleman mention anything about flip flopping on issues, I will honestly send him a letter. This convention is going to be 3 days of praising Bush, but there is so little to work with that it will take only an additional 3 days to tear it all apart.

One term, just like Daddy.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Unreal.

No links here, versions of these two stories can be found on basically any new site if you look hard enough.
These are bits from both articles. They were listed one on top of the other in aol news.


Giuliani Leads GOP Attacks Against Kerry

''We need George Bush more than ever,'' Giuliani told delegates. (Reuters)
The ex-New York mayor slams the Democrat for a ''record of inconsistent positions.''


Bush Flip-Flop?

The president suggests the war on terror can't be won, igniting fierce Democratic criticism.


It is killing me the way the Republicans are trying to say they are right, and Kerry is wrong. Where are the accomplishments to prove that they are right?
Does the largest deficit ever, and the shrinking average American income mean they are right for the economy?
How about sending the bulk of your military to a country that poses no immedaite threat, while the group that has already killed 3000+ Americans has more than doubled in size?
What about trying to convince people that companies who already pay no taxes, should be able to outsource jobs to other countires because it it a key part of the economic structure?

President bush has taken a "right at albequerque" at just about every chance to turn left.
Hey! I just made a partisan reference without trying!!


Here we go with the drinking and driving bit again

Man Decapitated In Bizarre Wreck

Gruesome.
Too drunk to know what he did, most likely. Must've been hell in the morning.

Even old people need an excuse to party

Seniors Celebrate Toilet Paper 'Birthday'

EVANSVILLE, Ind. - Something often taken for granted but hard to live without — toilet paper — was celebrated by residents of a retirement community. Thelma Brittingham, in charge of the celebration at Holiday Retirement Village, told the Evansville Courier & Press that she wanted to give her fellow residents a reason to smile.

First of all, it is purely coincidental that there are two stories involving toilet humor in the same day, I merely stumbled on two of them I could easily make fun of.

I don't think she did a very good job planning the event. I mean, she could've had any number of teenagers decorate for it late at night. Cake and ice cream? Why not White Castle and chocolate laxatives? And what would you buy for the gift exchange, a years worth of 2000 flushes? Im sure her fellow residents will take much more pride in wiping now, and will have a reason to smile every time they take a shit.

"Some time during the course of my life, toilet paper became bathroom tissue."
- George Carlin

For Gods Sake

Food Companies Offering 'W' Ketchup

I just cant leave this one alone. This just proves further Bush's plan to segregate Americans as much as possible. There is 1000 kinds of ketchup out there for people who don't want to buy Heinz. A cheap and pathetic campaign marketing ploy, will likely make millions for both the ketchup maker and the Bush campaign.

I think we can file this one away with the "My governor can beat up your governor." bumper stickers.

more good comedy

Look Who Has a Real Potty Mouth...

I guess theyre pretty anal about their anals. Here we are treading that thin line between pure genius and total insanity. I wonder what happens if you drop a cherry bomb? Or how about that trick where you put the end of the TP roll in and flush, what does it say then? I think I could spend a while testing the limits of the toilet with personality.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Its good to have priorites

Baggy Pants Trigger Protest

This kind of thing is absurd. This is what our tax money goes to buy in public schools. New books, better teachers, new computers, not as important as regulating the clothes the kids wear. If they all had to lift their shirts, does that mean it was not noticeable anyway?
Im glad I dont have kids in school, these type of administrations would have a permanent thorn in their sides.

I don't think you could make this one up

Neighborhood Hazard

The story starts out slow, you will be laughing by the end. Its almost unbelievable.


Saturday, August 28, 2004

Now thats thinking

Cold shower for Dutch men urinating in public

Normally the news I smear on the blog is about the worlds biggest dumbasses. Not this time however. I have to hand it to this guy. If I were him I would get a chair by the window and just watch all the morons come up and get soaked. Although mine would be more closer to a firehose, than a shower head. I'd straight up blast the suckers.

Friday, August 27, 2004

I think we could make a laundry list

Bush admits Iraq 'miscalculation'

US President George W Bush has acknowledged for the first time that he made a "miscalculation" of what conditions would be in post-war Iraq.

He miscalculated a lot more than the eventual outcome. He hoped starting a war would boost his political standing, and make some money for his friends. His short sightedness is displayed perfectly in not only the insurgency, but in coalition retractions as well. Still no weapons of mass destruction, and still no clear end to the occupation in sight.

Where is Osama Bin Laden? Living in Peoria for all we know.
130,000,000,000 US tax dollars to take out Saddam while Uncle Binny runs rampant and trains 1000s to hijack airplanes and build bombs.

Ive heard a million people say that Bin Laden will be caught at election time, and it will insure a Bush victory. I must poke holes in that theory.

1.) Osama Bin Laden will not be taken alive. It will be damn near impossible to capture him before killing him.

2.) Al-Qaida anticipated a military response. Why are we so sure he was/ is in Afghanistan anyway? Our intelligence has none, so dont give me that. On sheer principal, wouldn't you hide your sacred holy leader before you pulled off a world changing attack? I don't think hes there.

3.) What if we are attacked at election time? Even if they could somehow capture public enemy #1, a devastating event blamed on the war in Iraq would change the tune of millions. Not that I think we would be like Spain and pull out, but it may convince the people that its time to start putting the money where it should be, into counter-terrorism efforts. Bush would no longer stand a chance.

This conflict will never end, I feel bed for the children growing up in these years which are only the beginning.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

not the brightest bulb on the tree

Criminal Runs Background Check On Himself And Is Nabbed At Cyber-Speed

I guess he got what he wanted. Im sure the FBI was able to tell him how much trouble he was in just as well as the website.

Ho-Hum, some days it is hard to find stories that are blog worthy.

You be the judge

Student Charged With Clogging Toilet

Somebody should send these cops a plunger and detailed instructions on how they work. Include the number for Roto-Rooter.

It must really suck to be Border Patrol. It is harder for Americans to get into America than foreigners. When I went to Vancouver and back, there must have been 4 different people that came up to us and asked us the same 5 questions. We began reciting answers like robots. The INS and Border Patrol did not think this was funny, but we did.
College kids go to Canada on their breaks because of much more liberal drug and alcohol laws.(duh) The BP all know this, and look for anything to bust them for. This story is taking it a bit too seriously though. I mean, how many terrorists snuck across while we were busting the 19 yr old for clogging the toilet?

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Whos that? Its Pat!! Literally...

Ok, so no I do not expect to find anyone American working at McDonalds or Burger King at 2:30am Monday morning. It is so common for them to be hispanic at McD's, I find myself surprised when I am served by someone that looks like he/she was born here. Recently I was surprised, and then ultimately shocked.

Now remember, I work in a small roadside bar. I have seen more strange folk than you can imagine, but nothing yet has topped this one.
So I pulled up to the little microphone thing and ordered. A voice came back with no accent. ????? Whats this I thought? Someone who can understand more than, blah blah blah CHEESEBURGER blah blah blah FRIES blah blah blah COKE. ?? Yes. It was true. A person who spoke native English at McDonalds at 2:30 in the morning. I wondered if my food might actually be fresh too...

So I pulled up along to window number two to pay, (Cause thats what you do, right?) And there it was. I say it, because I will never know what I saw that night. There was (presumably) a large white basketball with limbs and a uniform behind the window. A stubby hand with chipped painted black fingernails handed me the drink and took my cash. A this time it turned to its side to offer a profile view. The head was shaved around the sides and back, and like, floor length black hair was pulled to a pony tail coming out the back of its hat. Stranger yet, he/she needed a shave, and I dont mean a little 5 o'clock shadow. The voice however, was unmistakeably feminine. The nametag? Kris, of course. There was no tell-tale clues.
My closest guesses are a really masculine butch, or a terribly confused transexual.

At any rate though, I received fast and courtious service. The fries were old, but everything else was fresh. To each their own. Better than collecting my tax money.

Never ceases to amaze

Family seeks help with speeding vehicles

This one is so typical. The city will not fix the problem for reason they may be liable to anything beyond that point. I think I would refuse to pay my property taxes, and make it clear to these council members that their vote was straight out the window until the problem was fixed.

At the same time I still find humor in this story. I think I would sit on the front porch in anticipation.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I mentioned before that its bad to drink and drive

Drunk Wedding Guest Injures Groom in N.H.

LYNDEBOROUGH, N.H. - New charges are likely against a man who showed up drunk at a wedding and injured the groom Saturday, police said. Brian Lithgow, 43, of Steamboat Springs, Colo., ended up driving his car over the groom's foot, police said.

He was acting angry and out of control, so naturally you would try and get as close to his car as you can.
There is always funny stories from weddings and its because of all the booze. Weddings and New Years are when all the people who dont drink, think they are supposed to drink. Then we get to re-live those highschool days of when being drunk was something new. Mix them together with everyone else who is also drinking heavily and youve got an explosive situation on your hands. Then we get events like the above.

Ass saves asses

4 coffee pickers killed in accident

I guess pick up trucks in Zimbabwe dont have horns or the ability to slow down. Donkeys don't exactly jump out in front of you like deer. Given the situation, I think even taking them both out may have been safer than crashing hard enough to jettison people into the river. How the hell did they fit 32 in there anyway?

You could say that disASSter struck.

Monday, August 23, 2004

How?

Judge: No Iraq abuse photos ban


First of all, for these people to get off on a technicality would be a bigger disgrace than the acts themselves. Good call by the judge.

How does a president who cheats on his wife go on trial for a year, and a president who disgraces his country get absolved from blame? In my opinion, if he has sent 150,000 troops to war, the Commander in Chief should know exactly what is going on at all times . There is no excuse for this scandal. It has been conveniently shoved under the rug because Rumsfeld took the wrap. I don't think that I can buy that this was the work of a mere 7 people. There is a conspiracy to cover up something here. A full investigation should be launched by an outside agency.
I have said it 100 times.
If Bush did know this was going on, he is crooked. If he didn't know, then he was not in control of the military. He was not doing his single most important job as President. Impeachment trials shouldve been imposed, even though it would have put Cheney in charge.

I say old chap

Blair refuses accept US award

BRITISH Prime Minister Tony Blair is refusing to fly to the US to receive a medal bestowed on him by the nation for his support over last year's Iraq war, a London newspaper reported today.

So its nice to see that the highest medal of honor can be used as a campaigning tool. Bush's campaign has all but ruined Tony Blairs, but somehow Bush/Cheney feel he should be obligated to endorse them.
Tony Blair is on his way out just like Shrub. Even his own party has asked him to step down. He definately has more class than Shrub though, and seems to actually care more. At least acts more like he cares, anyway. He is an intelligent man, but unfortunately has made friends with the wrong crowd.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

What a freak. Film wouldve been funnier.

Man on coke dies after stripping, stabbing himself with pen


Having a lovely meal when all of a sudden... I guess it isn't funny, but I cant stop laughing just the same.

Friday, August 20, 2004

I could never ever ever understand

Man commits sex act on cenotaph

A man who desecrated a cenotaph in Blackpool on the day marking the 90th anniversary of the start of World War I, has escaped a jail sentence.

I dont know if this one is even funny. What in the world would posses anyone to just stop and...

FS. Only in America

DENVER, Colorado (Reuters) -- "Shoe bomber" Richard Reid has sued U.S. prison authorities for imposing harsh conditions including isolation and a lack of access to Arabic language religious books.

If this judge lets this go on, I might plot to kill the SOB myself. Think back to when this a-hole was on trial. He accepted his punishment because "he does not believe in the ways of our justice system, blah blah blah." This guy should have access to a toilet and a bed, and some table scraps once in a while.

Hello? Tried to murder an airplane full of people? Now hes crying, and SUING for the treatment he receives in prison. Why can they make some Nazi his cellmate?

Thursday, August 19, 2004

One of the funniest stories ever.

Badass Australian Cows

I have never tried this myself. Reading this story just outlines why. You couldnt even make this one up.
Ahh the effects of alcohol.

Veeeeeerrrry Interesting. But stupid...

Man jumps off ferry to rescue dog

I have been to Puget Sound. The decks on those ferries are about 30 ft above the surface of the water. He didnt get in trouble with the law, but I can imagine his pregnant wife had a few words for him when they got home.

ATTA GIRL!!

Woman celebrates 95th birthday on Harley

I hope I even live that long, let alone be riding a Harley.

If I hear any dis about bikers on this blog I will return fire with both barrels. Bikers are some of the coolest people you will ever meet.

GWB is FOS

Kerry challenges Bush troop plan

President-elect Kerry strikes again.

Bush is moving troops because he is going to need many more in Iraq. Eventually all coalition countires will turn against him, and bring their people home. This has nothing to do with a "more flexible force." He said he was moving them to new locations to deal with unexpected threats. If they are unexpected, how are we able to prepare?

Bush is concerned most of all with is image right now. He knows he cant remove his troops from Iraq, that would be admitting he was wrong. So he makes other empty attempts and making us think he really doeas care about our troops. I wish he would stop pretending that he cares about, or even knws anything about, warfare and international relations.

Commander In Chief? What?

General Broke Rules With 'Satan' Speeches

I can not link to this story because I can't find it on anything but AOL news, so only people using aol could read it.

WASHINGTON (Aug. 19) - A U.S. Army general violated Pentagon rules by failing to properly clear speeches in which he described the war on terror as a Christian battle against Satan and should be punished, according to an inspector general's report obtained by Reuters on Wednesday.


I think I recall certain nations being called "evil" during a number of speeches made by GWB. Apparently the rules do not apply to the CIC of the military, only its lower ranks.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Shout Out Time

Just gotta give a quick shot out to few people who will hopefully be joining my blog community here.

- Bruce and Dianna J from Arkansas.
I have mentioned you two before, but the email address I have for you is incorrect. So I decided I would slip you to the top of the blog, rather than make you search the archive. What I had said before, and I mean it, was that you are quite possibly the two nicest people in the world. We all love having you in town.

- Lisa from at the bar tonight.
We will have to have a similar discussion when we have more time to elaborate. I have just as much respect for your opinion as you have mine. Always a pleasure to serve you, even if you did walk into our carved wooden beaver. Jen Marie told me you used to work with her. We should also discuss that...

Everyone remember this site changes daily, so stop by as often as you like.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Pro Sports/ The Anti bitch blog

I know, lots of people these days has a gripe about pro sports.
What I hear all the time:
MLB- They make too much money. Dynasties are bought, not built.
NFL- They make too much money. Egos override team loyalty.
NBA- They make too much money. This has both, purchased dynasties and whining brats.
NHL- How come they dont make as much money?
NASCAR- They make too much money. This is not a sport, anyone can turn left.
PGA- Dont get many gripes about this one, other than it sucks to watch it on TV.
"Watching Golf on television is a lot like watching flies fuck..." - George Carlin.
-All of them are criminals, like Randy Moss, Ricky Williams, and Kobe Bryant.

However. Rarely do I hear these cynical views coming from anyone who has children. It is almost entirely single people, couples without kids, or empty nesters.
The point of all this is that, perhaps we are being too harsh. Yes it does suck to see things like the A-Rod trade. But all in all sports are still sports. There is still excitment when Justin Morneau hits a home run. There is still the thrill of a kick off return touchdown. There is still the glow in a childs eyes when Kevin Garnett(MVP) signs his basketball. You dont know speed until you have been standing at the track when the cars go by.
Times have changed, but the games have not. It just a wider spectrum now. Look past all the uglies, and try to see the beauty of these things for what they really are. Entertainment. Thats all. Just entertainment.

People bitch about musicians "selling out." Guess what? There is no record company that will produce an album if they didnt think it would sell. So if writing music in an attempt to make money is selling out, then every single musician to create an album has done so. Even those who do double albums of all cover songs have not really sold out.

Lighten up everyone, pro sports are an essential part of local and national economies. They are not going anywhere, so deal with it.


Thanks again

Hey Everyone, Thanks for stopping by the blog bar!! I am averaging about 10 hits a day that are not me. It is probably due mostly to the link on my cousin's site, THE CHRONIC CURMUDGEON.

It is essential for me to express my opinions of the world, but I never really figured anyone would listen. Now since people might be, I am going to try to think of some topics that will draw more comments. Recently the Mudge has ran blogs looking for the worst songs from the best artists, and now the 50 best movie lines of all time.

So I figured, why not start there?
I should ask the people for topics on which to blog. Does anyone have a request, or just a good idea for a blog?
-Maybe top 10 one hit wonders, or top 10 one hit blunders?
-How about the worlds worst frivolous lawsuits? Or the strangest laws?
Dennis B, I'm sure you have some ideas. It would be like Ann's "topic of the day" dry-erase board.

Thanks again to everyone, keep spreading the word.

I hope they throw away the key.

Drama expected in Jackson case showdown

If he squeezes through this again, I will have pretty much lost faith in the legal system. Not unlike OJ, MJ is as guilty as sin. His singing and dancing to get the public approval of his defense just proves my point. Knowing what we know about this man and his past, how could anyone ever allow their children around him? Even if he wasn't molesting them, would you want anyone in your family, let alone your children, to hang around him? He is a freak from hell. Anyone pretentious enough to name all of his children after himself, should never be allowed to have any. Prisoners will treat him much like he treats little boys, only they wont be as forgivingly gentle. I think the only difference between MJ and a Catholic priest is that priests can not be women. MJ could be.

Some classics:

How do you know when Michael Jackson has a date spend the night?
The Big Wheel is parked in the driveway.

Why did Michael Jackson go to WalMart?
He heard little boys pants were 1/2 off.

What's the difference between MJ, and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong was a man on the moon... MJ is a man into moons.


Sunday, August 15, 2004

Watkins Glen

For those of you who hate it, I have to mention NASCAR again this week. This week it is not turning left, left, left, but right, right, right. Jeff Gordon is again the favorite. I guess well see what happens.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

FS

For those of you unaware, FS means FUCKSAKE!!

I hate drinking in the bar I work in so, tonight I ventured to another bar in town after shift.

I honestly dont know how to react.
There was a guy at the bar right next to me. He was Asian Indian, Muslim in religion. He has been to basically every westernized country for some reason or another. He is a software engineer, and extremely intelligent.
Today, in the bleeding heart state of Minnesota, he was shunned. He was called black by some man he spoke to, and felt inferior for the first time in all his travels. He went off on me for some time on how he thought Americans were the most tolerant. How we have freedom of religion and expression, and how those are some of the beautiful aspects of being an American.

One stupid moron put doubt in his mind merely because of the way he looks.

This man was quite obviously a computer genius. He had much more to offer than Billy-Bob the redneck, yet somehow his view of America changed all in those few moments. He kept saying to me how he has done nothing but support America's so-called "war on terror." He feels Bin Laden and his marry men bring shame upon Islam. But Americans only see foreigners, they dont see allies.
He looked about 22, in reality was 28. He told me that I was the type of person he had expected to meet in America. He thought that America was just as it says, the home of the free. He had to learn a harsh truth about American society.
He was at the bar only in an attempt to make friends, and I gladly accepted his friendship. I will continue to write about him as I get to know him better.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Even Though I hate Michael Moore

Notable Quotes


I couldn't get a job with CIA (news - web sites) today. I am not qualified."


-- PORTER GOSS, President Bush (news - web sites)'s nominee for CIA director, to documentary-maker Michael Moore's production company during the filming of the movie "Fahrenheit 9/11."


So naturally he is the right choice to lead them.

Open Up Ass, Insert Head

Man Detained for Tossing Hamsters Off Terrace

What could he have been thinking?

Rodent Rage causes Rodent Rash!!

JERK OFFS. WHAT ELSE COULD DESCRIBE...

... The Earth Liberation Front.
(I have mixed feeling about writing this one, because we know no press is bad press. It has to be done though.)

Among other piddly stuff, these people torch new construction and SUVs in attempt to save their natural surroundings.

Now lets get this straight. You burn fuel, plastic, rubber, metal, wood, sheetrock, glue, paint, and who knows what else, and claim it in the name of the environment?
And of course the best way to get people to support you is to get yourself acknowledged as a known terrorist organization. Especially at a time when we are very sensitive to that kind of thing.
Sorry guys, the only people that lose here are the customers of the insurance companies that cover your destruction.
If I ever come across one of you losers, I will chain you to one of those trees you love to hug, and beat you senseless in the name of the evironment. Then Ill cut it down.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The Anti-Shot out

I sent this blog to as many people as I could, and got 99% good reviews. I actually have a small reader base now.

All except for one certain person who made fun of me for it. You know who you are. I dont care what you think of me, I can lay the same judgement on your hobbies. This has proven to be an excellent outlet for me. I have always been a writer, English is a strong subject for me.
I probably spend less time on this blog than you waste reading the sports section of the Star and Sickle.

f***er.


I know Mr. President, You had no plan to begin with.

Bush Challenges Kerry on Iraq Withdrawal

"I can't imagine the great agony of a mom or a dad having to make the decision about which child to pick up first on September the 11th," Bush says, sitting beside his wife, Laura. "We cannot hesitate, we cannot yield, we must do everything in our power to bring an enemy to justice before they hurt us again."

So when did they discover that Iraq caused 9/11? Everything Ive seen over the last 3 years indicated that he was never involved. I always thought it was Al-Qaida that attacked us.
Get real people, Saddam wouldve never have OK'd an attack on New York City. Kenya, Tanzania maybe, but never US Soil. He knew it wouldve been suicide.
I have also seen that the war in Iraq has doubled Al-Qaida's membership to nearly 20,000.
How can you maintain that this country is safer with more troops and extended occupation? Spreading the military all over Iraq allows the real enemies free reign over the rest of the world.
Osama Bin Laden travels underneath haybales on covered wagons. For all they know he could be in Canada by now. The troops in Iraq are not fighting for our safety, they are fighting for their own safety.
This war was will to power and nothing besides. Try to assasinate my Dad, and Ill find a way to justify destroying your country, and profit from it. Might lose some Americans, but I can live with that. We'll tell them all its the price of freedom. Well say hes capable of 9/11's so he must be stopped. Near as I can tell, anyone smart enough to sabotage an airplane couldve caused 9/11.

What is your plan Mr. President? You have offered not one solution to your mistake in Iraq.
You have offered not one single hint as to when the mission will truly be accomplished. When will our friends come home? Under the Bush administration, quite possibly never.

Promising the American people that he will put even more troops and money in Iraq will be great for Kerry/Edwards. Thanks for furtheriung your bad name at election time Mr. President.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

It was a good effort.

Bomb Squad Detonates Typewriter

How often do you suppose they need the bomb squad in Racine Wisconsin? Those guys probably felt very important, at least for a little while.

Not the best plan of action, valiant none the less.

Drunk Driver Asks Police to Arrest Him

Ok, as a bartender I have learned all the ins and outs of intoxication. If you are honest to me on how much you had, your weight, and when you started, I will be able to tell you wether or not youll blow over. Minnesota is still .10 for now, but will be .08 soon. It is one of only 4 remaining states with .10.

The best way to drive drunk is to not drive drunk. Period. Just don't do it.
Working in a bar, I know that people do it all the time. So...

Here is a few cheats if you think your too drunk to be on the road:

-Keep all your windows open. The smell of alcohol permeates your car even after one drink. Your body expels enough through your pores and breath to be noticeable.

-Pull into the next gas station and buy a pack of Halls. Halls make a breathalyzer inadmissable in court. DONT TRY A PENNY, DUMBASS. COPS HAVE SEEN IT A ZILLION TIMES.

- Remain completely silent. You have that right well before he reads it to you. You have the right not to incriminate yourself.

- Be polite and cooperative. You are already under suspicion. If you give the guy/butch a hard time, the situation will only escalate from there.

Really though, just dont do it. I have seen people wrap cars around trees, roll them 150 yards into cornfields, and sandwich some poor arab in between the car and a moving truck. Not to mention the expense, jail time, and insurance rates.

Misfortune is funny. It just is.

Apparent Bus Waste Showers Boat Tourists


I love to read about stories like this. I mean, what are the odds of those two things being at the same bridge at the same time? I just wish I couldve been there in person.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Spare me, not him

Terry Nichols gets life, no parole
"My heart truly goes out to all the victims and survivors and to everyone who was affected by the Oklahoma City bombing," Nichols said. "Words cannot adequately express the sorrow I have felt over the years for the grief they have all suffered."

Shut up asshole. I dont buy it. This man deserves to be treated no differently than any other terrorist. He should've fried in the chair right next to McVeigh. Al that tax money to keep this loser alive for the rest of his life. Hasn't he already cost enough?

18 innings and a last ditch effort

Neither were enough for the Twins to get a second win out of the Oakland series. Despite a 18th inning homerun by Justin Morneau, Minnesota lost 6-5. Everyone was basically tired of the game at that point. The race was extra long too, we were starting to gamble on which would end first.
I have mixed feelings about Terry Mulholland. I think if the Twins make the playoffs, I would try to use him as little as possible. And Im sorry, but Brad Radke is seriously over-rated. Johan Santana will be the one to lead the twins to any kind of post-season.

Jeff Gordon sux

No, not really. He's one hell of a driver. I think its his personality that bothers me. He just seems like weasel. Ive heard rumors of him cheating on his wife with another man, but who knows where that came from. Oh well, I guess I must congratulate the team on the win in Indy.

It will be Kasey Kahne at Watkins next week, damnit... Dodge isnt winning much this year.

Woo Hoo

Took an IQ test the other day, scored a 136. It said I had exceptional math and language skills, and called me a visionary philospher. They compared me to people like Plato.
I got to use all those skills at my old job, about the only math I do now is make change.


How could I still be a bartender? Well, its best to diversify. One of the oldest jobs there is, it is one of few that is not hurt when the economy is bad. People drink to celebrate, but they drink more when they are depressed. So its not bad to have something reliable to fall back on. Besides, it seems a resume with 5 years of experience in portable trade show displays is all but worthless in the rest of the job market. The trade show industry is so closely linked to tourism and travel, that 9/11 really had an impact. It is one of the sectors that is slowly recovering, at least for now. Most areas effected by 9/11 have not recovered.

I haven't talked much about my old job on the blog yet, I guess because I try not to think about them. But if there is a better place to bitch, I can't think of one. Honestly to this day, I don't know how he singled me out. I do know that I was the only one, everybody else just got their hours cut for a while. And shortly after, one of the boss's highschool buddies conveniently moved up to the same area I was in.
Recently I discovered that a sales rep who left the company because he didn't sell, had now come crawling back, and was handed a newly created position in service instead of sales.
Amazing, but not surprising.

It also never ceases to amaze me the way corporations are so half-assed backwards. One person works their ass off, and fully commits themself. The other just moves along at 1/2 speed doing only what they are told.
Naturally candidate 2 is the one who stays on at downsize time. Why would loyalty matter? It doesn't pay the bills in the short term. And of course in the Bush economy, we all have to worry about cash in fist, being there is no planl for the future. So, shitcan the better worker. He's more expensive, and that's what matters most.

In a restaurant this is not so. Management will always look for the ones who can do the most efficient work. For those of you that think serving tables and/or bartending is easy, guess again. You must be able to handle 5,6 maybe 10 things at time, and you only have a few minutes to do them. You must have patience, yet good judgement in serving drunks. On one hand, we dont eat unless we get tipped. On he other hand, we can not over-serve you or we are liable for anything you do while your drunk. If I cut you off, you probably wont tip me. If I let you get wasted, your lawyer will sue me because when you drove home you took out four street lights, and then tripped over your own feet landing face first on a rake in your garden, where you eventually passed out for the night.
Its a no-win situation, which just emphasizes my point on how difficult it really can be.

So people please give your server a break. Shes trying to make a living like everyone else.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Help is on the way

Kerry Vows to Lift Bush Restrictions on Stem Cells

Saw John Kerry on the street today, had to ask him... Why the long face? budump-bum

Seriously though...

Stem cell research is essential to the advancement of medical technologies. I think we resrtrict it now just because a portion of it comes from aborted pregnancies. Republicans continue there movement for a faith based government.

The Chronic Curmudgeon

www.christopherstake.blogspot.com

Now that I have spread this site to people beyond the blogoshpere, I must give a plug to my cousin's site which got me involved.
He is a speech writer in New York, and has a master's in communications. He took the name Curmudgeon because he likes to complain a lot. Very entertaining writing, check it out!

Maybe I should be the MiniMudge?

What a jerk

Bush Says Alerts Are 'Grim Reminder' of Threats

Bush opened the address, broadcast as he vacationed at his family's summer home on the Maine coast, by saying, "My most solemn duty as president is to protect our country."

While our friends, neighbors and relatives continue to die fighting his war in Iraq, the president casts his bobber off the boat and smiles for the camera.
Mr president, you are leading a controversial war in the middle of an election year! Most of the hard working people in this country do not get a vacation!

Yo do not prectect our country Mr. Bush, you bring shame upon it.

How can you not laugh?

Okla. man on lookout for fugitive accidentally shoots himself in rear end

Kind of gives true meaning to "ripping someone a new asshole."
How will Gingiss explain this one to the sister-wife?

Still wont condemn those that smoke but...

CANTON, Ohio (AP) -- Relatives of a woman whose surgeon left a rolled-up towel inside her chest have filed a lawsuit against the clinic where the surgery was performed.

This story definately supports my cousins angle, though I dont know Chris, this one may even surprise you a little.
Ive heard of small trinkets and things, even scalpels and wrist watches, but a rolled up towel? Sounds like Dr. Davis may have been messing with the Percoset before he went into surgery. Maybe doctors need to keep a checklist, and go over it twice before administering stitches.

Worst part about this is that the family's lawyer will go after the hospital, and in some way or another try to dispell the fact that she was a smoker of 45 years, and say that a towel stuck in her chest caused her death.

So no Chris, I cant argue the fact that smoking kills you. In one way or another its going to get you. But don't worry, Be happy Mon!!

Friday, August 06, 2004

Super Freaky

CNN) -- Singer Rick James, a musical icon of the 1980s who helped define the "punk funk" style of that decade, was found dead in his home Friday morning by his caretaker, a Los Angeles police Department spokesman said. He was 56.


Any bets on who does the first tribute song? The demonic record industry always capitalizes on someones death. In my opinion it shoud be MC Hammer. Without "Superfreak" there coould never have been "Can't Touch This."

A bartender you say?

Yep. Thats me.
From designing and building beautiful tradeshow displays to shlepping drinks at The Buffalo Tap in Savage, Minnesota. How? Dont ask, this is a happy blog...

It was not easy to come out of 5 years in corporate America, and return to working with John Q. Public. I felt out of place, and a real loss of direction. I began to question myself and where I was heading. It took many months before I was settled into my new surroundings, and got the larger picture of what was really going on around me.
All that stuff you see on Cheers? Its really not that far off. I mean, of course things are exaggerated on TV, but all in all, the show does a good job of capturing the drama that really does go on in a bar.
First most realtionships. Sam and Diannes relationship is typical of one that is started in a bar.
My advice to all of you:

-Never figure that anyone you picked up in a bar will be your true love. Fuggetaboutit!!
-Try not to have a first/second date at the bar. This goes for no matter where you met.
-Dont fall in love with your server the more you drink.

Why for all this?
Because people, how often are you the same person when your drinking as when your not?
Id say never. Im not saying it doesnt happen, I have seen about 1 or 2 couples that have actually worked out. But as a general rule, you can bet against finding your soulmate in a bar.
Props to Jen Marie, she was the original light shown on this subject.

And Yes, people are always telling a bartender their problems. Id say about 50% have had a bad day when they belly up to the bar. My job is to listen only. I will offer you solutions only if you ask for them specifically, and even then I will always leave the ball in your court.

Cheers is accurate again on the bar staff making close friends with the regulars.
I have met quite a diverse crowd working in a small bar, and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.
-Thanks to most of all Kevin Kitch he is the best customer and sport in the place. For some reason Wisconsin people seem to be the most generous people in the country. Must be something in the beer.
-Thanks to Ray Whitehead, everyone reading this should give a shot out to Ray. Ray has been involved in basically every active miltary situation in the last 8 years. He is Air-Force medical, and has served his country with honor.
-Thanks to Jayson Henderson (also military)
-Jade
-Cory
-Tammy/ Jim Ricci, Dennis/ Ann (the 2 successful couples mentioned above)
-Jim Strand
-Jim Siegle
-Alicia/Mark, Jess (I think Alicia and Mark may have met at the Tap before my time, not sure)
-Rose/ Brad
-Deno
-Bob
-Dave Jones our ally in ND
-Russ
-Todd from Canterbury Park (retired military)
-Pat and Jeff the golfers,
-Pat Opalinsky and Brian Rydeen who not only frequent the bar, but bought graphics from me as well
-Todd, Darryl, and Steve the friday night guys,
-Al Moore who has been to like 46 consecutive rallies at Sturgis,
-Charles who is also a Harley guy,
-the married couple that owns a fishing lure business, sorry I dont know your names,
-trucker Bruce and his wife Dianna quite possibly the two nicest people in the world,
-Andrea's boyfriend Chris-We hope you recover soon, could you get me some morphine?
-Richard Grunder, sorry cutting people off is part of my job too...
-Michelle and Ron Hoytyha, you guys are awesome couldnt possibly thank you guys enough
-Josh Anderson and all my friends from highschool who come to see me at the bar.
-Dan and Dave Mullen
-Dianna Larson, even if she is seeing Randy
- Ingy's man Terry
-Patti and Dede from Wendy's, and Kathy from the Legion
-Susie and gang
-racing fan Kieth on from Sunday's
-Mike from New York, who is not a Yankees fan, but a Mets fan
-And of course, all the staff:
Jen Marie, Mike, Tim, Jo-Ann, Brandon, Ingrid, Courtney baby, Darci I love you, Nikki, Tracy, Andrea, Krystal, Alanna, Katrina, Julie, Summer, Angel, Alex, Edgar, Arturo, Guillermo, I think thats everybody.

Im sure that I missed some of you-Thanks again to everyone.

Overpayed Rednecks Turning Left

So did anyone else watch NASCAR at Pocono this week? It was nice to see Tony Stewart get eliminated, I hoped everyone would give him the bird as they went by.
If we can just get rid of TS, Jimmy Johnson, and Jeff Gordon, maybe Jr can win another cup this year. Doesn't look to good for him though. I think his morale is down as well as his ability.

I know, I know, NASCAR is just another money machine. I doubted it too, until I started working Sunday afternoons. And dont get me wrong, I dont really follow the standings, or idolize the drivers, but the races are a lot of fun to watch. You can't beat the rivalries.

Besides, making and selling graphics for race cars is a part of my side business. Maybe someday one of those cars will have my company name on it.
Hey, I can dream as well as the next guy, right?

Anyway-Jeff Gordon is the crowd pick for Indy this weekend. Lets hope he can be stopped within the first 50 laps. Kasey Kahne deserves his first Nextel win!!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Tobacco Nazis

Just found out my cousin is one, oy vey...

Thank you California, Utah, Texas, and all you other crummy states for convincing Minnesota to begin smoking bans. Duluth, Minneapolis, Bloomington, soon the whole state will be smoke free inside. This works in states where its warm all year round, but people dont like to smoke outside in -30 degree weather. Smoking is a large part of the bar industry in Minnesota, especially in the trailerparksville Savage. Bars should be allowed to have closed smoking rooms, if the dining area is to remain smoke free. When I was in Vancouver, coffee shops and bars had small, doored off rooms with good ventilation where people could duck in and have a quick cigarette. I wondered how Canadians where the first to offer this courtesy.

Get a load of this state will you?
Last year we made it legal to have a gun in a bar, this year were making it illegal to smoke in them. We can sell liquor in the bars on Sunday, but not from a liquor store. We can sell beer in gas stations, but has to be 3.2, and not on Sunday either. It is also illegal to sell cars on Sunday in Minnesota. Why, I will never understand.

So what are we telling people really? You can get bombed at a bar and drive home on Sunday, but you cant get drunk at your own home. Mind you Minnesota is a football state, everyone goes to Wisconsin on Sunday to buy beer.
And 3.2? Well, hey we can drink twice as much then right? Sure!!
Bloomington actually had a law in place making it illegal to sell anything other than 3.2 if you were within 100 yards of a church or school. That finally went away this year.

People who make laws for the bars and liquor distributors have never worked in the industry, they dont know drunks like a bartender does. They will find ways around the laws. Laws like that simply hurt the economic growth of the entire industry, they do not keep drunks off the street.

Red Hot Twins

How about those Minnesota Twins? Minnesota must have the best farm system in the entire league. With a payroll of 10% of powerhouse New York Yankees, the Twins are headed for their 3rd division title in a row. The starting lineup has 2-3 rookies, and maybe 1 person over the age of 30. Somehow this past month or so someone has set a fire under their offense. And now the Bosox can have the burden of Doug Meinkewics( or however the hell you spell that) while an impressive Justin Morneau takes over at 1st base. Justin Morneau will be the next Bonds, Im telling you. In 3 years the Twins will no longer be able to afford him unfortunately, but thats the way it works. We breed them, the large market teams buy them up and win World Series' with them.
As we know, the road to the World Series goes through New York, so lets hope the Twins can pull it off this year. The Yankees have their weaknesses, just a matter of getting to them. The Twins certainly deserve it more. Steinbrenner's ugly face represents everything that people hate about baseball. The ability to purchase the best team in the league. Which makes it all the more sweeter to see teams like last years Florida Marlins take it all away. The Yankees have skunked us two years in a row, I think we're about due.
Go Gardy and the Twins!!!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Bush Again

Sunday, August 01, 2004

George WMD Bush-NOT FOUR MORE

I suppose for my first ever blog in the world, it would only seem appropriate to have a political subject.
As we all know, the Democratic convention took place this past week. How many people go to the bar to watch political speeches? More than you might think. Now as a general rule, a bartender must remain bipartisan until he is on the right side of the bar. But sometimes they just tug and tug until they get it out of you. As I deal with the general public, I notice exactly what President Kerry said. Bush is attempting to divide America into sections, while at the same time attempting to save both of his faces in Iraq.

And why not? At election time its best to know who your enemies are. Tell the world that John Kerry is WRONG WRONG WRONG. Tell gays its unconstitutional for them to get married. Tell them all if they don't agree, they are unpatriotic because the president is at war.
Well to me supporting our troops means hoping they live, not cheering when the bombs go off. Does CNN ever get the body count for civilian casualties when the US goes to war? A terrorist group can't kill one person without making world news now, but does anyone realize that more civlians were killed in Afghanistan than on 9/11?
Bush has such arrogance, he simply feels that can do no wrong. George Tenet has taken the wrap for the lack of intelligence by our intelligence. Rumsfeld has taken the heat for Abu Graib.
He will never admit he made a mistake in Iraq. His staunchiest ally, the BPM, has been asked repeatedly by his own party to step down for fear that they will lose to many seats in parliament. Spain showed the world their support for Bush in March. Yet despite second thoughts by most of the coalition, he maintains the war was the right thing to do.

So I guess its working Mr. President. You are dividing the country in two. Americans, and Bush supporters. Being an American means having your own opinion, and the freedom to express it. Everytime I state my opinion, I am being patriotic. If I am forced into agreeing with the president, than I am being manipulated like a dictatorship. Saddam killed those who didnt agree with him.
I can recall Bush saying he spoke to God before invading Iraq, and was sure in his heart it was the right decision for the American people. Did he ever think about how many religions there are in the US? How can we choose a man so hardnosed Christian to lead a country with everything from satanic cults to scientology? Bin Laden's grounds for war are holy as well. Perhaps he is right. Perhaps this is a holy war. Not by textbook definition, but at the end of the day we know that Bush's decisions are based upon his religious beliefs. Either that or Pat Robertson's. Bush will believe anything he says as long as he continues his campaign contributions.

So there you have it. A tiny taste of my opinion on W. I will continue my LICK BUSH 2000 rants in more blogs.
I doubt anyone will even read this. Much like my cousin, I will probably be the only hit to this site for a while.
But if you do visit, Thanks for getting me interested in this Chris. This is an excellent way to let out all those things I cant say when Im at the bar.
Below are bumper stickers I am making with a slogan being spread by the Minnesota DFLers. Email me if you would like one, they are 3.00$ each, or 10 for 20.00$

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